Dear Cindy,
Many people say nice things about me—that I’m a responsible, mature, patient and loving person. But my two younger siblings say that I’m very negative and old-fashioned because I always tell them not to wear short shorts and skimpy clothes when going out. And that I always find fault in what they do.
The males in our household complain of my being strict about using the toilet and I ban them from smoking cigarettes inside the house. So why do they blame me if there are no ashtrays inside our house? I find it so inconsiderate of them (when they smoke inside the house).
How can I convince them that I have the best of intentions, that I’m not the kontrabida that they picture me to be. If mom were alive today, I wouldn’t have to be a “split personality” the way my own family sees me. Thank you and regards to your family.
Mirriam
rDear Mirriam,
Good intentions must come hand in hand with better understanding. Otherwise, it could be a source of resentment and frustration. Look how your siblings have resented your good intentions, and see how it has made you frustrated.
There is no doubt about how valid and genuine your concerns are for each of them. But somehow you may have failed to impress on them the reason for your objections. For instance, did you explain to your younger siblings that a girl or girls walking around in skimpy clothes could trigger lusty thoughts from men high in alcohol or drugs, driving them to commit crimes like rape? They have to be convinced that your objection is not merely about being prudish or old-fashioned. It is to ward off criminality.
Did you explain to your brother's that women relieve themselves by sitting on the lid of the bowl while men do it standing up? Did your father tell them that oftentimes in our hurry to relieve ourselves, we just sit on the toilet bowl? And how icky it is to sit on liquid on the lid? Or when the situation is really impossible, you may have to provide them with urinals, like those in public places.
While it is admirable how you detest smoking, it is inevitable that sometimes we or other members of the family may happen to have visitors who smoke. Where would you have them dispense with the ashes of their cigarettes? The members of the family know the house rules but guests, especially first-time visitors, are not aware of them.
It sure is tough wearing several hats at a time—that of an older sister and of a mother. Have you tried talking to your father to seek his help? I’m sure he will only be too glad to come to your aid. See to it that when you talk to him it is not as though you are trying him to take your side.
God bless,
Cindy
rHow to nourish your face
rDear Dr. Dana,
This is what my letter is all about. I would like to request from an explain on how a person can nourish her face. I can only guess that the source of nutrients is the food that we eat. If so, what are the foods and what nutrients do they contain?
For my benefit and that of your other readers, can you kindly tell us the how’s, when’s and why’s of nourishing one’s face and skin? Thank you. Thank you, too, Ms Cindy for your very informative column. Of course, many thanks also to my favorite newspaper, Sun.Star Cebu, for faithfully bringing you to us regularly.
Annaliza
rDear Annaliza,
You know I’m surprised that many find the topic of nourishing the face and skin a novelty. It’s not new at all. It’s still part of skin care. By far, the most important ways to keep your skin smooth, healthy and free from the fine lines, wrinkles and sagging associated with premature aging are the following:
Caring from within. By eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, managing stress effectively and not smoking. You will need a moisturizer and sunscreen for outer skin care. These are the two most useful products. Sometimes they come as one. They are combined as quality moisturizer and sunscreen (SPF 15 or higher.) Certain nutrients are particularly skin-friendly. Here are some examples:
Alpha linolenic acid (an essential omega 3 fatty acid). Among other sources it can also be found in green leafy vegetables, beans and canola oil which abound in supermarkets nowadays.
Vitamin A and beta carotene help skin retain moisture and promote collagen and elastin production and reduce free-radical damage from ultraviolet (UV) light, smoking and stress. They are found in fish, dairy, eggs and red and yellow, orange and dark green fruits and vegetables. B complex vitamins, particularly folic acid are vital for nerves, blood vessels and muscles. They help retain moisture, reduce puffiness and encourage skin renewal. Most B vitamins are found in meat, fish, dairy, eggs, legumes, nuts, seeds, whole grains and mushrooms.
Vitamin E helps prevent from radical-damage, encouraging moisture retention and reduces scar formation. Vitamin C helps protect and heals skin, keeps arteries healthy, prevent free-radical damage and aids in collagen production. It is abundant in numerous fruits and vegetables.
Calcium nourishes the skin’s nerves, muscles and blood vessels. It is found in canned fish, shellfish, dairy products, eggs, green leafy vegetables.
You may have notices that most of these nutrients can be found in more or less the same sources. And the beauty of it all is that all these food are found in abundance in our part of the world. Considering the skin is the largest organ of the body and the face its show window, they should be given the highest priority. Make it a habit of eating the nutritious food numerated above.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante
rruiz_derma@yahoo.com