Dear Cindy,
I am 25 years old. I have a good job and believe I have a unique beauty to be proud of. I have almost everything except for one: love life. I've never had a boyfriend, and I can’t avoid thinking that there is something wrong with me.
There were guys before who seemed interested in courting me but I think they were up to the “crush” stage only. All of them did not proceed to the courting stage. I don’t know the reasons why, but they might be intimidated, which I try not to let them be.
Right now, no one is courting me, and it makes me worry a lot. Whenever I do like someone, my friends help me to get to know that certain person, but I easily get shy, nervous and try to avoid them. How can I conquer this weakness of mine? And what should I do to become a woman who is worth their efforts?
Antoinette
rDear Antoinette,
Being beautiful doesn’t automatically entitle you to a boyfriend. Since you think it’s your being bashful that gets in the way, let’s talk about shyness. But don’t expect guys to rush in and court you after this.
Shyness could sometimes be misunderstood. After all, a shy person is a self-conscious one. This is because of one’s family background, whether it's birth order, parents not teaching them social skills, or moving too much. Sometimes, it's due to psychological difficulty, such as fear of rejection or low self-esteem. There are also shy people who are self-conscious about how they look, ranging from obesity to a severe case of acne.
So you must learn to love yourself. Thank God for the physical as well as mental attributes He has given you. Set realistic goals like greeting people or joining community organizations or church activities. Don’t mind what others think of you. They have their weaknesses, too. Also keep a journal or a diary, and document every single accomplishment you have made. Emphasize those little successes in your journals. Pat your shoulder each time you hurdle a difficult task. Reward yourself with short notes of appreciation when you overcome imagined fears. You’ll be amazed at how these simple tricks can transform you from a timid soul to a poised and sure individual.
Be positive despite mistakes and mispronunciation. Dress appropriately. This will enhance self-confidence. You can also learn new skills. Reach out to those who may be more shy than you. Above all, talk to God about it. He will give you the strength to overcome shyness. There’s plenty of time ahead for love. At the moment, determine to do well at your job and career.
God Bless,
Cindy
r
Perfect imperfections
rDear Dr. Dana,
Not wanting to boast, I have beauty and brains. At the age of 21, I finished college with a degree in nursing. I’m thankful to God for blessing me with a good family. Despite all these, there is something lacking, Doctora.
It’s about my health. In high school I was diagnosed with scoliosis. This knowledge has caused me to feel somewhat discontented. It made me think about what’s the use of studying so hard and getting my diploma when I won’t be able to help my family?
These past few months, I started feeling pain on my breasts. Sometimes they are so itchy; also I have observed they have white discharges. And I have what they call “inverted nipples.” They really look different from those of my mother and sister. These are my problems. I’m really worried about the state of my health.
Lorena
rDear Lorena,
Man, and woman, of course, were created by God in His own image and likeness! Our similarities ought to constantly remind us to achieve perfection—as only He is perfect and no one else. The observation you noted with your breasts confirms that they are not perfect. The fact that your nipples are inverted and look different from those of your mother and sister does not mean that you are any less normal. Inverted nipples are very common, for your peace of mind. Inverted nipples start to protrude at pregnancy and become fully extended upon childbirth. The timing is perfect. The nipples will be ready when the time is right.
About the white discharges from your breasts, as soon as possible, please go and see an obstetrician/gynecologist to have your breasts examined. Here are some symptoms of breast cancer: hard mass or ill-defined margins, skin or nipple retraction, change in size, hardness, redness, pain, fixation of mass to skin or chest wall, lump or firmness and sometimes nipple discharges. These are only some of the symptoms. I do not wish to alarm you. But take heed of this warning: as for breast cancer or any kind and where cancer is concerned, early detection plays a very significant and pivotal role.
Regardless of whether or not you are having any discomfort, self-examination is a very effective way of detecting cancerous change on one’s breasts. Sometimes you are not sure if you are doing it properly. Therefore, I suggest, if this is the case, immediately consult a doctor. By now I guess you already know why you have scoliosis, the deformity that caused your spinal cord to curve. This results in uneven distribution of your body weight so much that you experience pain.
Many scoliotics, mostly women, observe that the pain progresses as time moves on. However, scoliosis is not a life-threatening ailment. Have you shown yourself to a physical therapist who’s also a physician? I’m sure there are many tips he can share with you as to proper posture and exercise. With all your health concerns, I’m glad to note that you have not failed to recognized how blessed you are.
Instead of dwelling on the negative, why don’t you accentuate the positive? Start doing it especially this coming Advent season. The coming of the Lord will be doubly merry and meaningful if you start looking beyond yourself. Seek and discover how much more near perfect you are than the others.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante