Dear Dr. Dana,
I’ve been exchanging e-mails with an Italian man. He’s now based in America. Even though we haven’t personally met yet, he proposed marriage and promised to provide for me and my family.
Since the death of my father, I’ve been the sole breadwinner in the family, which includes my widowed mother and two younger siblings. To tell you frankly, I’m tired of this life and sorely tempted to accept his proposal even though I don’t love him.
If I’m going to marry him, will I grow to love him? Should a girl ever marry for money? Will happiness come from comfort and security?
Angie
Dear Angie,
The love you asked about may be kindled when you’ll meet him in person. You could grow to love him but I suggest you meet him first. But even if it doesn’t, the following are sufficient for a happy lasting marriage: affection, companionship, respect, communication and yes, even comfort and security.
As long as one doesn’t marry only for money, surely it makes sense to make it a factor to consider, although it also depends on how one defines happiness. You must take into consideration the fact if you really want to get married at all, and if so, what are your chances of finding an even more suitable partner for you—even if he is less financially able to provide for your whole family. Or is it just because you want to escape from your obligation to your family, and that’s why you choose to marry?
If you think marrying this foreigner is escaping from your previous life as sole provider for your family, remember that this may be a major part of his proposal—his readiness to provide for the said family. Is this partly the reason you are considering his proposal then? Will that be fair for him and/or for you? Take your time about such decisions and be clear about what you are doing for yourself and what you are sacrificing for others.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante