HORRIFIED… That was the reaction of my British-Irish and Belgian-American former colleagues when I told them that we don’t have divorce in the Philippines.
“What if you realize you no longer love your spouse?!?”
“What if you married the wrong man?!?”
To which I replied, “During the wedding, we make a vow to always love our spouse, and we make sure we are marrying the right person because we don’t have the option to call it quits.” Both shook their heads at that and vowed never to marry in the Philippines.
On the other hand, my daughter’s Italian-American godfather kept coming back in our country for so many years, hoping to fall in love with a Filipina. His reason is simple: Filipinas are not likely to file for a divorce, unlike the American ladies.
Which is true. We Filipinos tend to stick to our spouses no matter what: through constant nagging of wives, through husbands flirting with other women and even through bothersome in-laws. We stick to our spouses despite the increasing waistlines, decreasing libido and onwards to midlife crisis and menopause. We stick to our spouses so that the only reason why some could not celebrate their golden wedding anniversary is because of the death of the other half.
That idea of forever is implanted in us early on. And I think the idea of forever begins with the flower girl experience, for a girl that is. While a little girl may not fully understand everything that is happening before and during the wedding, she will definitely feel the importance of getting married.
This may be her first realization that people get married, not just move in together. As she meets other relatives, she will come to realize she is part of an even bigger family, which is brought about by the union of different people. When she hears relatives talking about the time and effort exerted for the wedding’s success, she will know that getting married requires careful consideration, planning and gathering of more than enough resources. She will know that weddings and marriages should not be taken lightly.
And the most important thing of all, she will see many old married people. She will make the connection that this young soon-to-be wed couple will become the married people like her parents and her middle-aged married parents will someday become like the old married people. And in that, she will see forever.
But, when the cute flower girl walks down the aisle, she will not be thinking about these things. She will most likely be concentrating on making it to the other end. She will be squirming in her seat, as the wedding vows will be exchanged. And she will be playing with the other kids during the reception.
The little one might even forget about the entire wedding for many years. But when she grows up and falls in love and starts dreaming about getting married, she will remember the day she was a flower girl, when she was first introduced to that idea of forever.
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Congratulations to my newly wedded cousin, Mr. and Mrs. Clifton and Ameurfina Capanas. Cheers to your forever! Thank you so much Mor for being a flower girl during my wedding, and for making my K a flower girl on your own wedding. I am hoping you will also have a little girl who will be a flower girl in K’s wedding. Don’t worry, it took seven years before I married John, ten years before you married Clifton, and following the trend, K might make her future boyfriend wait for more than a decade. You still have a lot of time to make a little girl, with God’s grace :D
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