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Sunday, December 16, 2018

Alvarez: Breaking your wife’s heart

A BEAUTIFUL marriage can be destroyed once mistakes are done and the one at fault just left it at that.

They could be tolerable at first but if it becomes a routine, it breaks the connection between couples.

Commonly, wives always try to build a lasting relationship but there are times when they also reach their endpoints. Apart from their husbands’ infidelity, what could be other reasons for women to decide that their relationship should be over?

Husband cursing her wife’s’ immediate family members. It is extremely hurting when a husband disrespects his wife’s parents. It is difficult for a wife to tolerate her husband calling her parents like “gago”, “bastos” or “makapal ang mukha”. The husband might have forgotten that the wife might not have existed in this world without her parents. He should not hurt the roots of her wife because it’s like hurting her total existence and this is unforgivable. If a husband wants to be respected, he should start by respecting her wife’s beginning.

Husband devaluing her wife in front of their children. It is expected that couples can quarrel or argue but husbands shouting out loud to their wives and tagging them with cruel names is unacceptable. A wife can retaliate and say naughty words because of pain or to shield themselves from shame. The husband feels very superior that they can do everything to belittle their wives, very easy for them to say carelessly “mas magiging masaya ako kung mamamatay ka ng maaga” while the kids can hear. The husband must not have realized that everything the children hear can register in their hearts and eventually can develop to hatred. If a husband expects his children to grow with love and respect, he should start by showing how a father should deeply care for their mother.

Husband has extreme anger attitude. Everybody gets angry, but to destroy things at home as a way of expressing or displacing one’s anger is not therapeutic but can hurt others too. A husband breaking chairs, throwing utensils and damaging televisions is indeed so costly. The husband should remember that kids might think that breaking things is alright when one is angry. Another, broken things at home would always remind everybody how many times you have broken their hearts. Hence, if a husband would like his children to learn how to value things, he should be the first to show how to keep things.

Of course, some husbands become unreasonable because of their wives’ inadequacies. The wife might be very provocative, unforgiving or verbally abusive. But husbands should remember that they are the “haligi ng tahanan” and their kids look up to them as a father that will advocate for their mother till the end. Wives should also remember that they are the “ilaw ng tahanan” and they are the giver of light to their partners by showing unconditional love till death do them part. So, if the parents would like their children to become good mothers and fathers in the future, they both should instill in their hearts family values like caring, patience, and tolerance.

Ah… The kids would always long for a peaceful and loving family. It is heaven for them to see their parents talking calmly when in trouble, understanding each other even it pains and never sleeping without fixing troubles. Of course, there is no perfect family – but at least a family that composes of a mother and a father with respect to each other is almost to a perfect one.

Hey, I am not saying that only husbands can break their wives’ hearts because wives also have shortcomings. What I am trying to say is that husbands should realize that when they break their wives’ hearts, they also break their children’s heart!

So, husbands and wives, do not break your connection, communication, and intimacy with each other. You never know how your bad quarrels disturb your kids and how they would wish to give up everything just to not witness their parents fighting. Remember that your kids will never get used to it – when parents are destructive, the collateral damage to them can last a lifetime.

So, please stop the pain and lead by example. Your kids deserve to grow with a complete and loving family.
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