I DON’T know what got into Aa right after we closed shop Friday night, but he kept singing one of the songs I'd written years ago, and then teasing me about it.
So naturally, right after we picked up Chiara's bf Buen, who had agreed to help us drive to Pampanga, then Bulacan, then Caloocan, then Mall of Asia, and then Camiling for a one day series of Feng Shui analyses, Aa asked him what was his favorite gospel song, and then Aa began to belt out my song.
Aa told Buen that this was taught to a group of graduating students by the music teacher I asked to help write down the notes.
The song goes something like this.
Sometimes
when I look at the stars
I wonder
How big is the world
If the universe is a page
In my book
That sits on a shelf
In my room
How old is time?
How vast is space?
Where can I find me?
If the universe is a page
In my book
That sits on a shelf
In my room
How can I find me?
I cannot find me
But God can find me.
And then I told them about this other song I'd written. My younger sis Josie and I, together with her friends Bruce and Ethel of Music World, used to practice this song when they didn't have their school yet.
It goes like this.
I used to believe
That I was strong
That I could live my life
Without you
I thought that I could
Reach for the stars
Conquer the world
Even without you
And then my world
Came tumbling down
All of my dreams
Crashed to the ground
And I was lost
And in the dark
I whispered your name
Cried out my pain
Asked for a way
out of my darkness
And now my life is
Filled with bliss
I've found my strength
My source of peace
Thank you, Lord,
For loving me . . .
This pretty much sums up a chapter of my love story with God.
Right before the fire that burned my mom's and brother's units in our compound in Camp Allen, we were doing well. Two cars, travel, money in the bank, lots of shopping.
And then the fire. After that, we built our house. On the advice of a friend, we took out a commercial loan.
A month after we moved into the house, the 1997 crisis exploded, and commercial interest rates skyrocketed. From paying about 12k for interest, we were now paying up to 36k a month just for interests alone.
This went on for many months.
We sold both cars. Booksale, which I held the franchise to at that time, was also affected by the crisis and could hardly deliver new merchandise. They could only send children's coloring books for a while!
Business got so bad I couldn't buy Chiara new shoes when hers got damaged because I had to pay the bank first.
And then, right before Chiara's elementary graduation, the bank told me I had to come up with a substantial deposit before the end of the month, or they would take our house. We hadn't even lived there for a year!
I remember being in a daze that night, looking for a solution. I was surfing the channels on TV when I chanced on Joel Osteen, saying something about lifting all burdens to God.
I literally broke down, asked God in all humility to help me. I had been so proud in the past, thinking I could yes-- reach for the stars on my own-- but I knew that only He could bring us out from our predicament.
A week later, a group of gentlemen from Manila came up to Baguio with the idea of holding a book fair. I introduced them to my mom because of my Booksale franchise.
The long and short of it, we were able to exceed the bank's requirement, and we were able to hold on to the house.
When I wrote the 2nd song, we weren't totally out of the woods yet, but I knew God had my back. I kept going back to that time I prayed, with all humility and sincerity and surrender, and to the gratitude and relief I felt when I received my divine solution.
Thank you Lord, for loving me.
I remember Meister Eckhart's quote: "If the only prayer you said in your life was thank you, that would suffice."
See us at #29 Sari-sari Section, Baguio City Market, 4:30 to 6:30 pm, Monday to Saturday.