THEY say love can conquer all but there are times when I doubt it. I guess it varies. People have various languages for love.
The past weeks, I had a lot of questions about it. I contemplated whether I was truly loved by the ones who should love me.
I have been thinking a lot until it has gotten confusing. I feel that I am losing the love I anticipate to last.
I wanted so much to save something so wonderful in my life -- the man who stood by me for 14 years.
So much love or great love can end. That happens when the other one gives up. But the hardest thing is to let go because that great love pretends to no longer love you anymore. It is hard to say goodbye to a relationship when you know by heart you both still love each other.
So much or great love can end. That happens when one in the relationship allows his or her pride to take over his or her heart. The anger permits the body and the soul to just forget everything and not to forgive the person that tries to prove his or her love.
So much or great love can end. That happens when one looks at the other's inadequacies and eventually becomes a reason to un-love the person. You no longer remember that in spite of the odds and struggles, you both remained to be one because of love.
Love can end because you think everything is unforgivable. Love can end because you fail to nourish a relationship. Love can end because you forgot the other person is human and needs respect. Love can end not only because the other person has found somebody else or has cheated. Love can end for reasons beyond that which I find it more painful. How do we then save great love from flying, until it's gone?
For now, I cannot find the answer. I cannot tell how to grab tightly the ropes because it is hard when the person wants to be distant and asks for you to prove your love. God, the hardest thing is to fail to express love in terms of what others do as the best expression of love.
I am a writer and I speak what is in my heart -- that is my language of love. When I write, it envelopes the whole of me. I can pretend to be okay although my heart is crying but I can never lie when my heart speaks through writing.
To my husband Rey, I am so sorry when I don't kiss you goodnight. I am so sorry for not saying "I love you." I am so sorry for not attending to you when you needed me most. I am sorry for disrespecting you. I am so sorry for not showing you how much I care. I admit that I was wrong...
Pang, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life -- I will forever remain to be your wife and you will always be my dear and one and only husband. I am saying this not because of anything else but because I love you so much. I want the whole world to know that you mean everything to me Mr. Jose Rey Cabañog Alvarez.