Seares: Condom and cheating husbands

Last Feb. 13, addressing OFW workers from Kuwait, President Duterte, apparently infused with the Valentine season’s spirit, said: “Wag yong condom, kasi masarap kung wala.” His audience laughed but some people reading about it didn’t.

The Human Rights Watch noted that Duterte’s joke about sex being “pleasurable” without condom was made when the country is “experiencing the fastest-growing epidemic of HIV in the Asian-Pacific region.”

There are jokes that boost the value of condom and don’t discourage its use. Like this:

Three housewives were having lunch, talking about their husbands. The first said, “David is cheating on me. I just know it. I found a woman’s panty in his pocket and it wasn’t my size!”

The second said, “Eddie is cheating on me. I know it, I’m sure. I found a condom in his wallet. I was so angry I poked holes in it with a needle.”

The third woman fainted.

‘V,’ Trump, Duterte

President Trump may not have used the word “vagina” in public. Google the word and “Trump” and what you see are items about (1) his “neck vagina” (a large, deep crease on the base of a man’s neck) and (2) a YouTube mixed clip of Donald repeatedly saying “vagina” (from a comedy show and probably fabricated.)

But Trump did say “pussy” (one of the 159 synonyms of vagina), the most infamous of which was exposed during the 2016 US election campaign: “Grab them by the pussy. [If you’re a star] you can do anything.”)

Last Feb. 7, speaking to a group of former communist rebels who surrendered, President Duterte ordered government troops to shoot NPA women in the vagina. He used the Cebuano-Bisaya word.

“Are there women holding guns?” to an AFP officer.

“Sir, this is a fighter, an Amazona.” “Pusila ang bisong... og wa nay bisong, wa nay silbi.”

That drew laughs but Gabriela and a few other sectors were angry, calling the remark “misogynist and fascist,” which “encouraged violence” against women.
To Trump, it’s something else. To “grab a pussy” is to assert the “right” of a male predator. Duterte was joking, Palace translators rushed to explain. Trump was not. He rarely jokes. He just says the darndest things (“I have the best words.”)

l Mitch, “50 Shades of Grey”

I thought the best of the seven sex scenes in “Shades of Grey Freed” was Anastasia’s shaving scene. Until Michelle P. So of Sun.Star and Superbalita pointed in a Super B feature to another scene.

A car chase, in which Anastasia was driving Christian’s RB at high speed, preceded and would explain the “steamy, adrenaline-packed” love-making at the parking lot.

Super B was an unlikely place for a tip on where to find the choicest chunk in the film on E.L. James’s third book about a tortured billionaire with a fetish for weird sex with a submissive student.

Then there are the parodies on “Fifty,” the more interesting of which is “50 Shades of Nerd” on Twitter. Sampler:

-- “How do you feel about chains?” Anastasia said as she was stroking his chest. He gulped, “I quite like Pizza Hut but I’m not so keen about McDonalds.”
-- “Harder! Harder!” she screamed. “All right,” he said, “What’s the square root of nine times 12 divided by 6.3 recurring?”

l Councilors on safe sex

Two councilors were overheard during a lull in the council session:
-- “Duterte is right about the effect of not using condom but outside the house I always use it.”
-- “Even at home, I practice safe sex. Our marriage bed has sturdy railings.”
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