Seares: ‘May I see Mayor Mike Rama?’

A MAN one day went up to the office of the mayor at Cebu City Hall and asked for “Mayor Mike Rama.” The receptionist told him, “Sorry but Rama is no longer the mayor.”

The next day, the same man came back, asked for “Mayor Rama” and was told again Mr. Rama was no longer the mayor. “Our mayor is Honorable Tomas Osmeña.” The third day, when the same visitor showed up, the receptionist, this time losing patience, said, “You must know Mr. Rama was defeated in 2016. He. is. no. longer. the. mayor.”

The man replied, apologetically, “I know. I just like to hear it said by the mayor’s office. As often as I can.”

Barug Team Rama supporters suspect the story was concocted in Casa Guadalupe by Mayor Tomas’s “unico hijo” Miguel. They just have no way to prove it.

A swim in Pasig

On Presidential spokesman Harry Roque must have rubbed off from his boss some streak of meanness laced with humor.

Last Saturday (March 3), Roque said Agnes Callamard, United Nations special rapporteur on extrajudicial executions and killings, could visit the country as tourist, not as investigator. As a visitor, she could swim, Roque quipped, in the Pasig River.

Callamard is likely to reject the invitation to swim. Provoked well enough though, she might dare Roque that they walk on Pasig water together.

But Pasig isn’t yet free of the filth that incorrigible critics of many past administrations, from Cory Aquino to Noynoy Aquino, associate with occupants of the Palace by the river. I don’t think Callamard would go near the river unless she’s convinced she could find bodies of EJK victims weighed down with cement blocs at the bottom of Pasig.

Leni’s handwriting

Vice President Leni Robredo Thursday (March 1) said she’s willing to accept a Cabinet post from President Duterte. But she insisted on her right to speak out on crucial issues.

No way, Madame Vice.

Did you hear the story, probably whipped out of Malacañang’s rarefied air, that the Presidential Security Group found graffiti on Malacañang wall, saying “Duterte sucks”?

Forensics experts, however, are stumped. While the handwriting looks like Leni’s, the piss all over the writing is suspected to be Imelda Marcos’s.

President-for-life
The Communist Party has abolished the term limit (two consecutive five-year terms) for China’s president. So President Xi Jin Ping may now be president-for-life. With the gains China has reaped under Ping’s rule, not to mention his control of the military, who else would replace him?

US President Donald Trump reportedly praised President Xi, saying it’s good and, haha, “maybe we will have to give it a shot.” Which must have terrified more Americans than the threat of a shooting war with North Korea.

But you’ve heard the cliche of a quote that says politicians are like diapers and for the same reason must be regularly changed. Imagine the stink a diaper-for-life would make.

‘Get the baby out!’

I heard this from a late-night show comedian. At a Trump rally, the piercing wail of a baby interrupted his speech. An annoyed Trump shouted, “Get this child out!” The White House Secret Service detail promptly removed the president from the stage.
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