M: Kathleen is about to get married to her fiancé. But she found out recently that he was unfaithful in the course of their relationship. He got into a brief relationship with his officemate. It’s already over. But Kathleen can’t get over the thought that he was unfaithful. Will she push through with their wedding or not? My take? Push through with the wedding only after she has pulled out all the stops to try to get over his unfaithfulness. Because if she can’t get past it now, she might never will. And it will fester and eventually poison their relationship. In short, when in doubt, don’t.
DJ: It’s unfortunate that he cheated on her and fortunate that Kathleen learned about it before he’d put a wedding ring around her finger. I suggest that they give each other space. She can set aside, for now, all the wedding preparations and focus on what she truly thinks and feels about the relationship. The wedding is just for a day but marriage lasts a lifetime. After the adrenaline and rage settle, they can meet up and together decide whether there is still enough that’s worth saving.
M: I also think it is a blessing in disguise that Kathleen found out about her fiancé’s indiscretion before the wedding. It would have been tragic to find out after they exchanged vows and are legally bound in marriage. Imagine finding out and wanting out only to find out that you cannot immediately get out! That’s why I believe behind every cloud is a silver lining. Good can still come out of bad things or situations.
DJ: Marriage is a major decision. Calling off an engagement doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. It is okay for Kathleen to trust her intuition and to take a long look at the lingering doubt his indiscretion have created. How they manage this encounter will not only determine whether it was a one-off incident with a forgivable reason or a foreseeable slip-up that she can’t live with. It’ll also test how well they solve their relationship problems together. It helps if they can effectively talk this through. It will be painful but it’s essential that they both get their honest answers about where the relationship is heading. Are they still reasonably confident that there’s still enough to work with and that they’ll both pull through?
M: Nobody is perfect and we are all a work in progress. We can learn from our past mistakes and learn to forgive and be forgiven. Just be grateful for the time and the lessons. A story sent to me by an uncle once said that when we think we have no chance of getting what we want, we probably won’t get it. But if we trust God to do what’s best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, we will get it or even something better. Something good can still come out even from our biggest mistakes.
DJ: Perhaps straying on the other side of the fence made him realize that what he and Kathleen have is way greener. It’s possible that he now values the relationship a lot more and will never choose to walk down that road ever again. She can consult a number of wise people whose opinion she trusts. But all of us are different. So if Kathleen is wondering if she should forgive her cheating fiancé, she’s still the only person who can make that decision. An affair takes months, even years, to heal. I always think time heals wounds that are meant to heal. What if it won’t? Then it should be time to move forward—solo.