COUPLES in a long distance relationship (LDR) get a response consisting of raised eyebrows, looks of pity, and a ton of questions from people who will smile, nod and say: “Good for you, guys.” Most of those who hear about it will never really understand the complexities of being in a LDR until they go through it themselves. LDRs may not be easy but they are definitely possible if both parties are willing to work through it. Here are some tips to make LDRs work.
Communicate regularly, properly and patiently—but avoid excessive communication.
Communication is the key to any relationship, but even more so to an LDR. It is important to be able to talk to each other or keep in touch, at the very least. Sometimes, it’s hard enough understanding someone when they’re standing right in front of you. How much more when you’re trying to get the complete picture from someone who is far away? Which is why it is even more important to communicate with patience, honesty, respect and understanding. Chatting, texting and talking on the phone are great but can still be a little limiting because they lack some cues that help in being understood (facial expressions, body language etc.). Get creative! Send some audio clips, share links, videos and pictures—a little extra goes a long way— Your partner will appreciate the fun updates.
As important as it is to keep in touch, it is equally important to avoid spamming, being too clingy, or possessive. Give each other a little room to still be able to breathe and you don’t have to compensate for the distance by chatting 24/7. Otherwise, you’ll get so caught up living in the virtual world you have with your partner, you’ll forget to actually live in your physical one.
Respect yourself and your partner by managing expectations.
It might be best for the both of you to really talk about your life plans and expectations before getting into the relationship. Look at the factors that are non-negotiables and the factors that you are willing to let go of, then you’ll have to settle for an in-between. Getting an idea of what you both expect in the relationship will help you get the feel of what you should and (maybe) shouldn’t do. Are you exclusive or dating openly? Respect your partner by thinking before you act: “Would he/she be comfortable with me being here or doing this?”
For instance, you want to stay out late and drink with your officemates but you know that your partner won’t really like it. You have two options.
u25a0 Let your partner know beforehand. Reassure them about it. And maybe shoot them a message once in a while to signify that you’re still alive and well. This also helps them know how you’re doing.
u25a0 Just don’t do it.
Also, as much as possible, avoid getting into sticky situations that would only worry or upset your partner. Remember that they get upset mainly because they would feel powerless if anything were to happen to you. Take the same situation above but add the factor of a colleague who has been hitting on you lately, then maybe it would be best to consider choosing option B for now. It is important to recognize the repercussions before entering a certain situation—do not put yourself in “accident-prone areas.”
On top of it all, be sure not to lose your own sense of identity. You also have to realize that you have a right to be yourself. Find the perfect balance between fulfilling your own needs as well as the needs of your partner.
Have video call dates.
One of the biggest band-aid solutions to all those dates-that-could-have-been, is video-calling your partner every once in a while. Even though “going virtual” has its limitations, it’s just nice to be able to hold a conversation face-to-face. The portability and accessibility of smart devices makes everything so convenient—you can show your partner around, do things together and take them with you wherever you want. You can even just coexist—leave each other there and do your own thing. Part of the beauty in relationships are those quiet moments when no one has to say anything and you can just sit there or “exist” in a comfortable silence. “Coexisting” on video is the closest you can get to that, considering the distance. Also, you’ll be surprised at how seeing them face-to-face instantly makes everything alright again.
Make and mark those visits.
The best part of every long distance relationship are those moments where you finally see each other in person: you finally get to hold their hand, to eat together, to breathe in their presence—and you have to make it happen. With this, planning and scheduling cannot be stressed enough. It is important to know each other schedules so that there aren’t any work or school conflicts when you book that flight to your loved one. Another helpful tip is to be on the lookout for any promos so that you can book as many flights as you can for a cheaper price.
Be social-media supportive.
Like each others’ posts. Tag each other. Tweet and retweet each other. Share links. Be cool with being each others’ social media stalkers. Not in a creepy way, of course! But it’s always nice to show that you care.
To top it all off... All you need is love—cliché as it may be, it’s true. Maintaining a LDR can be hard but it’s also an opportunity for you to have enough room to grow into the best versions of yourselves. Getting with someone who completes you is a very dependent way of treating a relationship. Two halves make a whole but two wholes make a couple. At the end of the day, as long as you both have the same goal in mind—to finally settle down together (in the same place) by an estimate amount of time—and plan around that, the long distance will be something that will have cemented your relationship and paved a strong way toward your future together.