LITTLE ones will immediately point a finger at another sibling and say, “I didn’t break the cookie jar; Henry did it.” Or say, “I didn’t forget to close the door. Karen left it open.” When little ones do it, we know the reason. They want to be free of the blame and perhaps the scolding.
Even sweethearts, point a finger at somebody else for the break-up. Somehow, human nature is such that we feel we have to blame someone else for mistakes, for errors in judgment and especially for broken relationships.
We were taught early in life that even if we point our forefinger outward and our thumb goes with it, the other three fingers are curled inwards which still makes us liable for any blame.
We are very good at blaming the government, our leaders and everybody else for the chaos we have created. Somehow we have forgotten that we are part of the problem for the mess we are in. Flooding problems are man-made so with other problems. However, I would rather talk about trusts and hurts.
Spouses forget that words cut deep and broken hearts are tough to mend. I always remember Fr. Gerry’s quiet, soft answer to me when I complained about something which I thought was wrong in church. He said, “Human naman to.” (It’s been done. It is over.) This is a lesson which I would like couples to remember when they lash out in anger.
We cannot undo anymore what has been done. Quarreling with a spouse who made a mistake and harping on the mistake will not rectify the error.
If your favorite plant died because your spouse forgot to give it water while you were away on a business trip, will it make the plant live again? Nobody is perfect. People forget!
If your favorite shirt got burned by an electric flat iron, will it become wearable again by berating the house help?
A scavenger was scolding his wife in a very loud voice for losing the sack of empty plastic mineral bottles. I saw the face of his wife. He was pushing his cart but the wife was following him on foot dragging at least two sacks with her. She was crying and yet he kept shouting at her. I felt like saying, “Human naman to!”
Couples who have been together for years, whose children are blessings and whose partners are full of love for their families should always remember that marriage is a partnership. Putting the blame on failures, on negligence or even on huge mistakes always hurts. No one in life is blameless. It would be good to remember to keep our fingers to ourselves.