LAST March 13, 2019, I was invited by Jonathan Vergara to share on “Conflict and Resolution” with his Rotary Club Baguio North Club members.
Immediately after accepting the invitation to speak on said topic, I found myself challenged to talk on such a topic. However, as I was preparing my talk, I realized that I had been doing that for quite some time in my various roles in life. My training at McDonald’s was also helpful.
In as much as I was told that it would be helpful to put such topic in the perspective of running social clubs, I shared our experience as an officer of the Baguio Association of Restaurants (B.A.R.).
Why has our organization lasted 27 years, and still counting?
I recalled that on July 16, 1991, exactly one year after the earthquake, the DOT director, Mrs. Carmelita Mondiguing, asked the local restaurateurs to help out in the recovery of Baguio. Bringing back locals, investors, and tourists, was a major objective.
Each of us were eager to help our beloved city.
I do not remember how I was selected or elected president of the group, but nevertheless, a one-year term turned into a lifetime thing, as the members refused to have another election of officers since then. We became “officers for life”. Of course, I have on numerous occasions offered to vacate my post and let others lead group, but to no avail.
Our group became close to one another, and had become one big extended family, instead of a group of competitors in the same line of business.
Looking back, here are some reasons why we have remained an intact association, except for members who have passed on to the next life (God Bless their souls):
No elections – no divisive campaigning or forming of factions;
No money – we collect no fees and keep no funds;
No constitution, no by-laws, no parliamentary rules of meetings – we relate to each other as family and friends. Every voice is listened to; and
All contributions are voluntary.
Of course, gossiping, which is talking about others, who are not part of the solution nor part of the problem, is consciously avoided during meetings.
Who should mediate in case of conflicts? While some members might willingly pass the role to the officers, 2 Cor. 5:18 tells us, “God has restored our relationship with Him thru Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships.”
MY DEAREST FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
We are all called to be peacemakers.
Matthew 5: 9 says, “Blessed are the Peacemakers for they shall be called children of God”.
Some helpful tips in reconciling differences when conflicts arise:
Pray - What is impossible for man, is possible with God.
Initiative - Make the first move, even if you are not at fault.
If you are not part of the problem, but can be of help, let the parties know you are willing to be a reconciler or mediator, and perform the role when asked to.
Sympathize and Empathize – feel for the parties and try to understand each other’s situation.
Humble yourself – Swallow your pride. Admit fault. Apologize sincerely. Remember, no one is without sin or error.
Talk Behavior, Not Personality – discuss actions or events that transpired and our reactions or responses to them. Avoid name calling and labeling. Do not use nouns or adjectives to describe the other party.
(I find this quite challenging, oftentimes, my weakness)
Reconcile – Seek to reconcile relationships. Reconciliation focuses on relationships. Resolution focuses on the problem. Once reconciliation is attained, the problem loses its significance or relevance.