FOR quite a long time now, many of us observed that forgiveness has been a misunderstood doctrine of the Christian life.
Forgiveness carries the idea of “release,” “sending away,” or “letting go.” By nature, we are all inclined to minimize the cancerous impact that everyday offenses have on ourselves and our relationships. Therefore, forgiveness is an ongoing necessity for dealing with our sins against one another. Not only do we need to forgive, but we ourselves need to be forgiven by those we have harmed.
This is true whether we are talking about sexual offenders, thieves, liars, gossips or promise breakers. After having felt the sting of an offense, a wounded person has a responsibility to act. And to hold people accountable for their actions is a way of honoring them.
Maybe the occasion does not call for a direct rebuke for the offense, thus, we can pray as our Savior did on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do,” Such love can “cover a multitude of sins” that are beyond the capacity of the offender to understand at the moment. However, we must be careful that our mercy is in the best interest of the other party and not merely a self-deceiving effort to avoid confrontation.
Or maybe the nature of the offense requires only a knowing look or touch. But on other occasion, the attitude of the offender requires a more direct response like, “I need to let you know how much you have hurt me. You need to know what this has done to our relationship. I feel that you have betrayed my trust.”
Then there are confrontations which escalate to legal charges and even imprisonment. But nothing is worse to the offender than be allowed to go on in his/her sin unchallenged and uncared for.
A rebuke is likely to be heard from someone who is a friend rather than an enemy. Sometimes, all the best efforts to forgive are met with the worst expressions of anger, denial and avoidance. We, therefore, need to be ready to live with a worst-case as well as a best-case outcome.
We can expect a truly repentant person to confess the wrong, offer no excuses for his/her sin, humbly plead for mercy and quietly accept the consequences. There are times repentance is impossible; the offender may have died. In such case, we can only prayerfully and mercifully “release” the offender into the hands of God.
To forgive a repentant alcoholic, child abuser, thief, or drug abuser will mean exercising wise caution not to endanger others. In forgiving us, God Himself does not suspend the natural law of “sowing and reaping.
Now, have we already taken the first step? The ability to forgive and love can begin only when we have first forgiven by God. We can humble ourselves and acknowledge our inability to pay the debt of our sin. Have we already experienced the joy of a restored relationship with God through the forgiveness of our sins that He offers through faith in His Son?