WHEN Dorothy and her partner broke up in 2022, it took them only a few months to reach a firm decision: they would raise their daughter together, even if they lived separately.
“It didn’t really take long before we decided to co-parent — maybe just one or two months after the breakup,” Dorothy, 31, said in Cebuano. “After a few months, we sat down and talked about how we would handle our child’s schooling and other needs.”
Since then, co-parenting has become part of her daily routine — balancing work, navigating differing parenting styles, and supporting a child who moves between two homes.
Dorothy lives in Talisay City, while her six-year-old daughter mostly stays with her father in Barangay Mambaling, closer to the child’s school. Financial matters are rarely an issue, but communication can be challenging. Misunderstandings sometimes arise in chat conversations and are later clarified face-to-face.
Differences in parenting styles also cause occasional friction. Dorothy describes herself as structured and firm, especially when it comes to discipline, schooling and eating habits. Her former partner takes a more relaxed approach, sometimes allowing their daughter more flexibility with meals or household rules.
Despite these differences, both parents remain committed to prioritizing their child’s well-being.
Jhaymar Garcia, a registered psychologist and psychometrician, said co-parenting works best when grounded in consistency, coordination and respectful communication.
“When parents avoid criticizing each other in front of the child, maintain consistency and uphold shared responsibilities, children can still experience stability and psychological safety,” Garcia said.
He emphasized that children thrive in environments where they feel emotionally secure and not caught in the middle of adult conflict.
In cases where co-parents struggle to get along, Garcia said clear boundaries, defined roles and shielding the child from unresolved emotional issues are crucial. Many co-parenting challenges stem from unclear expectations, differing values and lingering pain from the separation, compounded by work and personal stress.
From a psychological perspective, mature co-parenting requires separating the parenting role from the former romantic relationship.
“Even if the partnership has ended, the parental responsibility continues,” Garcia said.
Research shows that children do not necessarily need parents to stay together — they need emotionally reliable caregivers.
“Children feel secure not just because parents are together, but because parents are emotionally stable and developmentally attuned — even if they are no longer partners,” he added.
For Dorothy, romantic love has given way to gratitude and cooperation. Though their relationship from 2017 to 2022 ended, both remain present for milestones and important decisions, keeping communication open while maintaining boundaries.
“I’m thankful he’s still around and that we’re helping each other, but it’s no longer about love,” Dorothy said. “It’s about responsibility as a parent.”
She believes support must extend beyond academics to include physical and emotional needs.
“For me, all the support a child needs — not just school-related, but physical and emotional — should always be there,” she added. / DPC