How a mother’s ‘failure’ turned sleep into a revolution

“When I gave birth to her, my entire world turned upside down. That’s for all the good and all the bad.”

This was what Joan Villaflores-Cheng said, sitting in her pristine living room, in the suburbs of Cebu City, recounting the most difficult part of her motherhood.

Joan is a perfectionist, a corporate girlie who worked in international corporations before deciding to become a full-time mom. She valued excellence and motherhood was another venture in which she was determined to excel. Motherhood proved to be a new challenge for her as she suffered through post-partum depression while taking care of her delicate daughter, who was born with laryngomalacia. Sleep did not come easy for both mother and daughter.

Cry it out

Joan learned early on from so-called “sleep experts” that babies needed to be sleep-trained through the “cry it out” method for them to learn to sleep on their own. This means leaving a child to cry until they learn to fall asleep.

“You toughen them up. You leave them to cry until they eventually sleep. It went against every fiber of my being,” she said.

The cries of Charlotte were too much to bear for the young mother. The cry-it-out method went against her principles and between the guilt and the struggle, Joan felt like a failure.

Things changed when she found a book about “holistic sleep coaching,” which challenged the entire foundation of traditional sleep training. The book taught Joan that babies’ should be trained gently to sleep, meaning the baby is attended to instead of left to cry themselves to sleep.

“I fell in love with it. It had everything I stood for. As a parent, I stand for secure attachment parenting,” said Joan.

Gentle sleep

Joan began to respond more proactively to Charlotte’s cries and learned to figure out what her baby needed.

Turns out, Charlotte, just like any human would feel hunger, discomfort, itchiness, or cold, causing her to wake up intermittently at night. Understanding her daughter’s needs allowed Joan to respond to them appropriately.

Soon enough, Charlotte began to sleep soundly. Now, the two-year-old toddler can sleep throughout the night.

Charlotte’s cries never went unheard or unattended and because of that, Joan believes this strengthened her child’s feeling of safety enough to enter the dreamland naturally and happy.

Ever since, Joan has stuck through gentle sleep training believing firmly that parents must respect the baby’s development.

Sharing knowledge

Finding a deeper interest in sleep training, Joan took certification courses as a pediatric sleep coach from the United Kingdom (UK). When she got her certification, she continued to study breastfeeding and baby-wearing. Soon, she began coaching parents for free, until she finally opened up her own consultancy, “Nytnyt Charlotte,” in late 2022.

Since then, Nytnyt Charlotte has helped a number of parents struggling for their babies to get a good night’s sleep. The programs offered by Nytnyt Charlotte range from a single-session consultation to one-month consultations.

Joan personally guides parents through learning their babies’ cues and then adjusting the environment to foster healthy sleep for the babies, may it be adjusting the nursery to teaching the parents how to manage a baby’s cry.

Through Nytnyt Charlotte, Joan is able to spread the values of secure attachment parenting and provide solutions to problems new or experienced parents face.

Family’s role

Joan expressed gratitude for her husband Mark’s support throughout her journey from conquering Charlotte’s sleep problems to her decision to open up a consultancy business and help other struggling parents like them.

The sleep coach notes the importance of the husband or the father in fostering good sleeping habits for a baby. She said the support of both parents and any caretaker will be essential for gentle sleep to be successful.

“When I talk to my clients, I always ask both the mother and father to join and anyone who is tasked to take care of the baby, whether it’s the yaya (sitter), lolo or lola (grandparents), or anyone. Everyone has to be on board to help the baby fall asleep comfortably,” she added.

Raising a child is a struggle as many parents can attest to, but Joan believes that loving children right will help equip them with the tools they need to grow up as healthy functional adults.