M: Jerome is a freshman student. His girlfriend dumped him for another guy during finals week. Now, he learned he failed in two subjects and he’s blaming her for it. But he also wants to move on from the pain the breakup is causing him. Good for you, Jerome, for deciding to move on! Pain is inevitable but misery is optional. Good riddance to the girl who dumped you on finals week. She may have caused you to fail two subjects but you can pass them and be better in school and in life.
DJ: Heartbreak is a label we use for that excruciating pain that’s brought by loving someone. It can be so intense that it almost feels like physical pain. I can very well understand if he lost focus during finals week that led to him failing in two subjects. But it’s good that he’s thinking about how to move forward now. This mindset alone is key for him to be able to get past this chapter of his life.
M: There is never a perfect time to break up with someone but one can choose a better timing. Finals week or before the Bar exams (or any Board exams, for that matter) is definitely not a good time to destroy a person’s equanimity. Jerome, you should be grateful this happened when you are still a freshman. Think of it as a silver lining that should give you a positive push to excel in your studies where negativity cannot grow or foster!
DJ: My suggestion? Take control. Cut off contact. Including social media. This will prevent his ex and the past from popping back to his consciousness while scrolling through Instagram or Facebook. This sounds drastic but per my experience, diminishing her presence from his thoughts does make a huge impact in eventually forgetting her and what they once shared. And don’t give her any stage time. In short, don’t stalk. He can block her if he must. I also suggest that he fills the void she left by putting his academics back in shape. What we focus on expands.
M: Tabula rasa. Clean slate. Every new year brings new beginnings. Start anew. Restart. Reboot. Learn from the past. Learn from heartaches, from mistakes or bad choices. But never give up. Move on. Move forward and don’t look back. The best is still to come.
DJ: I was once young and romantic too but eventually I figured out that what isn’t meant to be, eventually, is bound to break. This is not surprising. Too much tension—whether by a third party, conflicting priorities or even beliefs in life—are pulling both people in different directions. Frankly, it also took me years before I learned that lesson. The questions Jerome have will probably never get an answer. And things can be hard today. But they will get better. I promise. Anyone who’s come out on the other side of a breakup will tell him that too. There’s just no other way but through.