@BERNARD: I thrive in my corporate career, achieving top performance and receiving multiple awards. I’m also the president of a global civic organization of young active citizens making a positive impact in the community. However, I face a dilemma due to my family’s financial struggles. My parents, not adept at managing finances, accumulated a seven-digit debt, partly due to my education. I pursued a business degree from one of the top and among the most expensive universities in the city. I made sure to graduate with Latin honors to pay tribute to my parents’ sacrifices.
My dad works as a clerk in an LGU while my mother is a teacher. I’m financing my younger siblings’ school fees and other expenses. But this year, they’re pressuring me to go to Canada, earn more and settle the debt the soonest. Should I sacrifice my blossoming career? It feels overwhelming to bear such a heavy financial burden at this stage of my life. I’m only 24 years old.
DJ: It’s a tricky situation, an editing maze just snipping out some email parts. I feel your pain, man. “Utang na loob” is uniquely Filipino. It does not even have an exact English translation! The closest are gratitude and reciprocity. But because it is internal, it’s far deeper than the usual debt. The value is actually honorable. It’s just unfortunate when it’s misunderstood and at times, abused.
Your education is your right. Should you pay the cost back? If it’s out of sheer kindness, why not? However, it’s not your obligation. That’s my opinion. As you learned in school, a contract is a meeting of minds. You obviously didn’t sign up for it. The creditors can’t even hold you responsible for this seven-digit debt. Unless you have either cosigned it while sleepwalking or it’s from a joint credit card.
Good parents shower love without expecting the world in return. I’m not saying that you take it to the extreme. They clothed you, fed you, supported you, loved you and nurtured you. And now that you’re soaring, it’s good that you’re helping out the fam. That’s the way it should be. I can tell, though, that your long-term aspirations are in the Philippines. Just because they want you to jet-set abroad doesn’t mean you’re boarding that flight. I hope you’ll find peace knowing that you are still grateful to your parents even if you’re not trudging through snow abroad and are chasing your dreams in the tropics. Gratitude is expressed in many ways. Finishing your degree with honors is one of them. Owning your younger siblings’ education is another.
Generosity of time, attention and money are indicators that a person is living for the good of others rather than just the self. Faith tells us to care. But let’s keep it voluntary. Not something that’s forced on anyone. And it doesn’t always have to be at the expense of your own life. I suggest you have an honest and loving chat with them about what you can do and cannot do. Money talk with family can be scarier than watching “Choose or Die” on Netflix. But it matters that you address the situation now. Family helps each other out, but remember, you’re not a one-person bank with an unlimited resource.
Craft that financial roadmap for both your personal goals and the support you want for your family. This can help you better understand how far you can give. What are your limits? Amid the weight of the decision you must make, remember that you are not walking this tightrope alone. And it’s not true that those who do not know how to look back to where they came from have a stiff neck. You are paying it forward. You’re a good man. And part of being a good person is considering the well-being of both your family and yourself. Now go and conquer this financial puzzle like the kind, smart person that you are!