M: DJ, meet Sheena. She works for the biggest contact center in the country. Her teammates are very critical of their manager. She’s the topic of every conversation. Sheena’s problem is while their manager is strict, she finds her reasonable. It’s her teammates who are in the wrong. They want things easy. Sheena said she wants to take a stand. But it’s likely that she’ll be a thorn in the group. She fears they might reject her if she does that. What should she do?
DJ: From experience, a “holier than thou” vibe only gives these toxic colleagues the upper hand. These people flip-flop, are slimy and are slippery. She has to be strategic and intelligent in dealing with them. Use the mind more than the heart. Plan. Don’t interact with them unprepared. For example, be ready with either single words or one-liners about his or her new dress, shoes or latest achievement. The usual reason why people pull others down is to propel themselves up. They can also talk about “Crash Landing on You,” COVID-19 or any topic of general interest but nothing personal, particularly if it’s about her views regarding their manager. Otherwise, avoid. Just smile. Not the knowing kind of smirk but the happy kind of smile. Then go for the coffee machine or the water refilling station or the restroom.
M: I laud Sheena for being open-minded about her manager’s strict work ethic instead of seeing things negatively as her teammates. It is difficult to manage people with different personalities and attitudes. There has to be discipline in an organization and if one has to be firm or strict in enforcing policies, there is a good reason for that. If the manager has an attitude problem, things will really be difficult for everyone. But if the subordinates are simply critical of everything, even a good manager is bad in their eyes. So it would be good for Sheena to also defend her manager for things that are done for the benefit of everyone and let her teammates realize the wisdom of their manager’s decision.
DJ: Well, backstabbers are usually the non-performers. Sheena can be friendly with them but not be friends with them. Her guard should be up. Because once she lets them inside her life, they can be extremely hard to get rid of. This situation also further fans the need to expand and nurture her relationships outside work. That’s where she’ll get support, wisdom, not to mention fun ways to build a stronger arsenal, keeping her away from these toxic backstabbers. What about her manager? My take is that she rather focus on what’s within her immediate control—herself. Like all other bullies, manipulative people will use frustration and confusion to bait people into conflict. But they usually retreat when they see that she’s not intimidated but is in fact having fun.
M: In an article I read about the power of one, it says that a single person with a clarity of conscience and a willingness to speak out can make a difference. Sheena, do not underestimate your capacity to make a positive shift in changing the mindset of your teammates toward your manager. Take courage. Be kind.
DJ: It’s been said that people who talk to you about others will talk to others about you. Backstabbers are not easy people. Sheena should never underestimate them. Sometimes, they’re even charming enough to manipulate you into disguising their interest as yours. They know all the tricks of the trade and they did not build such competence overnight. It’s likely that they have deep issues too. The flip side is she can take this situation as opportunity to strengthen her resolve and focus. Backstabbing is a reality. It happens in a lot, if not all, work spaces. And what separates winners from losers is not the ability to listen to other people’s beliefs. It’s the ability to listen to one’s own beliefs. I encourage Sheena to hold her dignity and go about her work. Otherwise, she can always start looking for a new role and say bye-bye. Good things happen to the right people. Like her.