M: Carlo is bothered that his girlfriend prefers gossip over ideas. If ever she has a take on current events, it’s about celebrities and TikTokers. Who is Steffi Aberasturi and why is she talking about her video walking on a bridge like it’s as important as the current surge of the delta variant? Closing her stories with “in fairness” for him is just a way to redeem herself after saying something vile about other people. Is it just the quarantine or is it her? Carlo, it is her. And you too. The lockdown just highlighted your differences. You are obviously a deep thinker. She, on the other hand, is the opposite of silent waters. She doesn’t run deep.
DJ: Maybe she’s comfortable to share confidences with him whenever she feels the urge to talk about her observations. Isn’t the interest of people’s lives the heart of academic disciplines like sociology and psychology? I am inclined to agree, though, when people say that the gossiping is an indicator of something deep like a possible insecurity about something or someone. I also know of certain friendships that have become a bedrock of drama and intrigue. Is she just naturally curious or is she being mean spirited?
M: They say familiarity breeds contempt. Carlo, you now noticed the lack of sparkling conversation or dearth of intellectual ideas when you talk to your girlfriend. Maybe you need to stop talking TO each other and talk more about each other. There is a difference. I always believe that if you have nothing good to say, keep quiet. And if you cannot keep quiet, find something good to speak about.
DJ: Is this behavior more pronounced during the quarantine? Research shows that people who gossip tend to have a high level of anxiety. Unfortunately, social media seems to be amplifying the inclination as people cope with social isolation and even exclusion. Why not change the subject if the topic is about what somebody ate for dinner, for example, or posted on TikTok? He can ask how her day was to redirect her focus to herself. If he thinks she’s sharing fake news, why not inquire where she got such information? It teaches her to check her sources. Sometimes, gossiping is also sharing about a problem. Still, it’s like tiptoeing on a minefield. It’s hard to tell whether it is about an issue or the need to just chatter. So as not to potentially commit the same crime and dedicate this Sunday’s column to her dishonor, I suggest it’s best that he brings this up with her if all this rumor mongering is bothering him a lot. Talk about the behavior, its effect, how it’s making him feel; not her character. Stick to the present. Don’t tell her to sew buttons on her mouth. He still needs to give her his feedback in a manner that makes her feel cared for and respected.
M: We cannot always expect others to mentally stimulate us, have scintillating conversations that will keep us awake by challenging our minds or tickling our funny bones. We do not always talk of ideas, concepts or theories. Let’s be honest. We talk about people, specifically other people. But hopefully it is not to gossip but to see what is good in them or be inspired by what they do. No one has a monopoly on intelligence. We can learn, even from the simple and unlearned. All it takes is humility. And the patience to listen or forbear. But if your partner bores you aside from irritating you, better wear a face mask, face shield, and go somewhere far away from her. Like the next room. And tell her you have to learn how to perfect physical distancing.
DJ: It’s likely for her to have moments when she feels like an overflowing dam wanting to release water. And these are moments too, for Carlo to be more loving. In fairness, I believe there are other likeable things about her that made him fall for her in the first place. Relationships grow stronger when partners understand how their behavior affects each other. And a big part of adulting is learning how to give and receive feedback.