M: McCoy was supposed to get married to his fiancé last April. She prefers to have a grand wedding so they moved it instead to another date when the pandemic is over. They were engaged last year. This year, as they worked on the wedding preparations, every day was a revelation. How she was also behaving during the pandemic, particularly when she’s mad at a government official or at something (including the closure of ABS-CBN) revealed things about her he did not like. How can he cancel the wedding, and also her from his life? Really? He would cancel the wedding just because of how she gets mad? Was her anger or reaction so terrifying that it merits the end of the relationship? If that is the case, the ECQ was a blessing in disguise for both of them. If your relationship doesn’t survive this pandemic, I see there is no cure but to end it now rather than later.
DJ: As they say, character is not only developed during trying times. It’s revealed. McCoy did not specify what these behaviors were but they seemed to be red flags to him that he’s now wanting to run far, far away before she sinks her claws any deeper. I don’t find it surprising though. A lot of guards were lowered these days, probably because of stress. Some people are transforming into unrecognizable monsters. They’re now a far cry from the image of positivity and sweetness they’ve been projecting for years. Now if she’s indeed spewing out vicious, nasty or brutal words that will make her mother want to wash her mouth out with soap, then it’s a possible indicator of disrespect and bad conflict resolution skills.
M: They say tough times don’t last but tough people do. Unfortunately, even the toughest ones can break when confronted with apathy, indifference or lack of care. Hate is not the opposite of love. It is indifference. McCoy might just be also very affected himself that he no longer has the patience or understanding toward his fiancé. If he sees it fit to end their relationship, he should tell her what he feels. Maybe she feels the same way as him. Maybe she also wants out of the relationship.
DJ: This isn’t about him having cold feet, right? Why is her behavior a red flag to him? Has he discussed his misgivings with her? Does he want a break from the relationship or really a break from her? Now if he already gave his decision enough thought and has consulted people he thought to be wise, I’ll have to say breaking an engagement is hardly ever pain-free. There is no other way to do it than to have a truthful conversation, not excuses. He can expect inflammatory words but he’s got to condition himself to remain calm. I also suggest for him to personally and privately tell her family about the broken engagement. It doesn’t have to be detailed and he should be ready not to be coerced, if ever, into reconsidering. Once done, they can already both cancel the wedding arrangements.
M: We realize that life is short, nothing is certain, there are no guarantees and everything will change. All things are passing. Only God alone does not change. So I share this prayer to McCoy and his fiancé, “Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. All things are passing. God alone does not change. Patient endurance will attain all things. Whoever possesses God, possesses everything. God alone suffices.” Before deciding, discern well. And just do it!
DJ: It’s like for them not to be friends anymore. But at least they’re parting with mutual respect and understanding. There’s closure. Don’t just break it through a phone call, text message, email or Facebook status change. What about the engagement ring? Typically, it’s returned to whoever made the proposal particularly if it’s a family heirloom. Being anxious about getting married is different from having doubts. And if McCoy is doubting, the usual advice is don’t.