M: DOES over-familiarity breed hate or love? Maita is living with her boyfriend. Or rather, her boyfriend Gil lives with her. She’s in her mid-30s. When the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) took effect, her boyfriend proposed that he lived with her. At that time, she agreed so they could still see each other. After more than a month, he now is an irritant rather than an inspiration. From his clutter and snoring to his jokes she no longer finds, she’s had enough of him. How can she politely tell him to move out? She’s also not sure if she wants to breakup with him. She’s confused. The solution? Tell him that after the lifting of the ECQ, he should move back to his place. She has good reasons to end the lockdown with her lover.
DJ: The ECQ pushed people like Maita and Gil to spend more time than ever before. They’re practically moving, eating and probably working in the same space all day long. It’s been over a month since the ECQ was enforced! It’s not surprising for the relationship to deteriorate along with the trail of Skyflakes crumbs that’s left on the surface of the working table. Small stuff like the cracking sound of junk food or the humming in the morning can already make some people want to scream. What should Maita do? Communicate. Keep in mind that it’s his behavior that’s upsetting her, not Gil.
M: They say “familiarity breeds contempt.” I do not disagree. To spend all the time together means you see each other at your best and at your worst. If you do not live together, there is a timeout. But when you share the same space, it sometimes becomes a chore to be breathing in the same space as constant togetherness can constrict. Maita does not have to decide to break up with him yet. This can actually be a test for both of them if their love can withstand the test of ECQ time together. The circumstances of their being cooped up together are different so there are other factors that might have contributed to her feelings.
DJ: While it’s every sane person’s civic duty to stay indoors, there’s no executive order that says they need to watch every Netflix movie together. She can pursue her hobbies, listen to music or read while he does his own thing. Maintain social distance. While the set-up seems unplanned, she can observe how they both can be co-pilots. Keep those small surprises like leaving notes on the fridge, bringing each other a cup of coffee while one is busy with work or buying each other treats while doing the grocery. And since tension is unavoidable due to being in closed quarters all day long for weeks, perhaps writing down what upsets her can help release some of it. While I suggest good communication, I am not recommending her dumping everything on him every single time.
M: The ECQ has forced us to spend more time at home, with our families, whether we like it or not and whether we like them or not. It has tested our patience and understanding even with the ones we love. I think nobody is exempted from the tension, the pressure, the irritation and exasperation. But it has also been a time of bonding, of being able to develop and strengthen ties, of rediscovering and reaffirming our love and care for each other. Breathe deep. All things are passing. Your irritation today might be the source of inspiration tomorrow or vice-versa. What is important is we are alive and we have the chance to continue to be grateful for life’s simple pleasures.
DJ: If the whole thing is giving her the squishy feeling, perhaps the issue is not Gil but the set-up itself. Research actually shows that cohabitating gives the relationship at least a 50 percent chance of eventually heading to a breakup. It’s like practicing how it is to be committed without being committed. I suggest that she takes things one step at a time. He can move out of the house first. Then she can decide whether she wants him removed completely from her life.