Michelle: Cindy is in her early 20s and has been in relationships with a pious Catholic, a struggling rock artist, someone who was eight years older and a guy who graduated with Latin honors. Not at the same time, of course. Now she’s single. Obviously, none of these relationships worked. And she’s confused. What do men really want? Well, guys have different types as there are different types of women. There are just some guys who are too cautious, like DJ perhaps, and they end up with none.
DJ: Too cautious? Where did that come from? Anyhow, the world is filled with different kinds of men with different tastes and preferences for what we find to be striking. Cindy already saw these in the four men she previously dated. I suggest that she’ll use this time instead to know herself more before anything else. There was a story about this lady who wanted her one whole pizza to be sliced. The waiter asked if she’d like it cut into six pieces or 12. She answered, “Six please,” and then confidently and beautifully added, “I could never eat 12.” Cliché as it sounds but I don’t recommend Cindy to become a certain image of attractiveness instead of becoming the most attractive version of herself. Finding a suitable partner starts with knowing her own worth as a person. That’s what happiness is. And who isn’t attracted to someone uncontrived and real, carefree and generous with her smile?
M: It’s difficult to find the right fit when you don’t know what you want or what you like. As I said, there are a lot of choices. We are only limited by what we allow to limit us. What kind of women do guys want, DJ? The shy one or the confident type?
DJ: Probably anyone who does not have her fingernails dug in just to be in a relationship. We just want someone we respect. Gone were the days when any person should fit a particular mold. She can have the form of a 16th century Rubenesque woman or she can be waif-like. Sure, some are still drawn to long-legged arm candies which aren’t necessarily bad but there are also those who look for something substantial to fill us up. A positive attitude, generally, is way more important than a dress size or two. Don’t you think it’s just cool to be with someone who loves herself enough and is loved for being her? A lady like that often has this distinct kind of vibe that’s authentic and safe. Contrary to popular belief, guys don’t normally bond with people and then open up to them. Opening up to someone is how we guys bond. And it takes a woman who is secure, who is not there to impress but to engage in a meaningful exchange to be able to actually spot and seize that moment. And once we let go of the guard we put on for the rest of the world, that’s also when we feel deeply, truly connected and hooked.
M: That’s a good insight. What’s important for women to know is that they have to be themselves and not pretend they’re something or someone other than who they are for another person to really appreciate them. What matters is substance, not form. Although it helps if you come in a pleasant or pleasing-to-look-at package. Eventually, your true self emerges no matter how hard you act otherwise. This statement may be trite but true: “Outer beauty without inner beauty is a sham.”
DJ: As long as she probably does not exhibit the grace and compassion of a chainsaw killer, Cindy is just fine. The best, long lasting connections are often with people who are moving in the same direction, who hold the same values and who want the same things in life. Does the guy want to move abroad or have children? Where does he stand in moments of inconvenience? How do these match up with what she wants? No one is perfect. At the end of the day, good attracts good. A good guy who deserves Cindy is not the one who looks for her worst features but is someone focused on her best ones.