Tired. Is it the age? The workload? Or both? I always said I would slow down. Well, it didn’t happen. It probably never will. Not that I don’t know how to enjoy life but on work mode, I’m always on overdrive.
Though, on vacation mode, I’m no different.
On vacation, I’m up like a lark and ready to go on adventures every morning. My traveling companions sort of “hate” my early morning starts but I always have a good reason why.
One of them tells me she has to literally “train” to go on a trip with me. Well, it’s not like we’re going to be running a marathon, joining Ironman or Hyrox. But you’d enjoy the trip better if you’re reasonably strong and fit.
It’s not that I don’t want to slow down. I already have. This is the mellowed version of me. But I guess it’s in my DNA.
I obviously inherited my father’s gene for action, adventure and productivity. You can’t go on a trip with me if you’re not physically active, open and adventurous. But I now follow my father’s advice. Finally.
If I’ve done it before, I won’t do it again. So, no leaping off a cliff anymore.
When I’m productive, I’m happy. And productivity for me is not about accomplishing something huge, remarkable or worldly. It’s simply learning something new, hitting a goal or completing a task — whether it’s finishing my laundry or seeing the light after deconstructing a theory. Both bring me joy.
For me, it’s always been — so many things to do, so little time — since I was 16 and rightfully admonished by my high school principal, Sister Margarita, for wanting to do so many things at the same time — until today at 62.
It’s why I don’t get it when people say they’re bored. How can they be? There is so much to learn, to know and to do. There is always a better way to do things, a better way to get a message across, a better way to make things happen.
How can one be bored with life when the quest to live better will never end?
Everything I do whether it’s making a logistical plan, an itinerary or a primer for a project, going for coffee, dinner or a trip with my friends, going to the gym or joining a race -- are all intentional.
I make time for the things I want to do. But I can’t do it all. There’s a very long list waiting so who can think of boredom when there is just so much to do and so little time to do them all? But I’m always hopeful that God will give me enough time to do all that He intends for me to do.
Maybe that’s why I’m tired. I’m chasing a finish line that keeps moving further away.
Someone asked me recently if I get my steps in on a daily basis. I almost laughed. I don’t really have this problem.
And it’s not because I run on the treadmill while typing, it’s because my mind has become so frustratingly forgetful. Between walking back and forth and all around the house trying to look for where I put something down and wondering why I walked into a particular room, in the first place, I have no problem getting my steps in.
Maybe that’s why I’m tired.
I’m taking too many steps. I’m working too hard. And the 27 tabs open all the time is exhausting me no end. I think all of them have conspired to tire me.
Nah. I don’t believe you. You’re always full of life.
Believe me, it’s just the adrenaline talking.
Old. That’s who I am now. But I knew that already. I just had to write enough lines to accept it fully.
Old. It’s the new reality. So, with declining energy, make time for the most important things in life — like laughing till your belly aches and making memories with the people who matter most in your life.
Old. It’s a little inconvenient fact.