Lim: Choose your love

Melanie Lim.
Melanie Lim.File photo

No thoughts on running today because love day looms large. And I just feel the need to address the elephant in our lives. But what else is there to say?

Love is often not what we want it to be, but we can choose to accept it and want it as it is. Love seldom solves everything but with love, we find we have a bit more strength to face anything.

It’s easier to fall in love than to stay in love. It’s a lot like trying to lose weight. It’s easy to shed the initial weight. But how do you get it to stay off—permanently? How do you love in perpetuity?

Love comes and goes. Like weight, it ebbs and flows. How do you love constantly and consistently? We are weak. It’s why we reach for that bar of chocolate when we know we shouldn’t.

We are going to be tired, crabby, angry, sad, intensely insecure and terribly disappointed with our own selves. It’s not always someone’s fault we’re unhappy. But sometimes, we just want it to be someone’s fault. Because we are flawed human beings.

It’s not because we don’t love them but because there are parts of ourselves we cannot love that we end up hurting the people we love.

There will be moments in our lives when we can’t be our best selves or when even our best selves won’t be enough. Some moments of bliss are possible but not a lifetime.

It’s an incredible gift to love and be loved. But love takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of patience, forgiveness, humility. To keep the love you want, you have to want it hard enough to be willing to give up so much.

Whether it’s your need to be right or your need to have the last word. Whether it’s your autonomy, your freedom or your last name. Whether it’s your crazy hours, your crown or your comfort zone—only you could decide if it would be worth giving it all up.

To be willing to be blind and deaf on many occasions. To be willing to shut up and put up with so much. To be willing to share your time, space, soul. Only you could decide if it would be a worthy trade.

Love requires a lot of thinking. But the irony is that if you do a lot of thinking, you won’t find it. Like a magic trick, the moment you try to deconstruct it, you lose the magic.

Love, in the long term, is rarely easy, ideal, giddy. And yet, while it is hard, it is still worth having. And even when it can be utterly devastating when you lose it, life is still better with it.

Just remember to go slow, to pace yourself, to train your heart to stay on a steady course. Don’t go too fast, too soon or you’ll hurt yourself and never make it to the end.

Love is not so different from a race. I know. I said no talk of running. But as you know, when you’re in love, you can’t stop talking.

In a sprint, you give it your all—all at once. Not in the long-distance. You take it slow, build it up so you can go the distance. So, choose your race: sprint or long-distance. Choose your love: one moment in time or a lifetime.

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