Moises: Buy yourself flowers

Darwin Moises.
Darwin Moises.File photo


I was in two conferences where you were a featured speaker. You seem safe to talk to. Well, I am obese and in my 30s. Because I am not beautiful, I have been like a recluse and nerdy. A silent contributor in the organization. I deliver results but big as I am, I took the role of the resident wall flower. Oftentimes ignored. You shared that you're an introvert. Can you help me still take the path towards success? I don’t want to be just a nameless, faceless person. I also want my life to matter.

DJ: By hustling to push your life forward, you are on the right track. Life is too short to wait for the right moment to trust yourself. We can start with your adjective. If by “fat” you mean you’re slaying, then it’s cool. But if it’s tied to a negative body vibe, consider canceling it from your vocabulary. Make no apologies. This is who you are.

William James, famous for helping to found psychology as a formal discipline, dropped some wisdom. He said that self-esteem equals success divided by our expectations. If our level of success exceeds expectations, we tend to feel good about ourselves. But if we don’t outshine our hype, we tend to see ourselves as a failure. I suggest you strengthen your resolve to believe in your capabilities. You have what it takes.

You can change the direction of your life story by flipping your mindset. If some people Photoshop their selfies, choose to highlight your strengths when you think about yourself. You shared about certain limits related to your looks. If body love is still a goal, you can start with body neutrality. Praise yourself and other people for qualities and skills that are not related to looks.

Resilience, creativity, generosity are traits worth celebrating. Like any relationship, self-love takes work. Patience is key.

Besides, when we stare at something long enough, we tend to uncover flaws. This puts us in a huge disadvantage because we can be our own bashers if we don’t watch out. We can pick apart every little thing most people probably won’t even notice. We see ourselves more than others do, right? It’s vital that we’re kind to ourselves as we are to others.

Now where is that inner rock star? Put it out there. There is no wrong way to be you. Whether it’s how you put together an outfit or style your own look. What are the things that you are great at and are passionate about? What kinds of things excite, motivate or interest you? What can you do to feed these passions daily or weekly? How can you integrate happy and exciting activities into your life?

Taking more risks is frankly one of the hardest I did. But the payoff is major, major too! Through time I learned that showing up, no matter if you're feeling shook, is an essential aspect of life. Volunteer for that big presentation at work. Don’t overthink. Just raise your hand. Be present in club gatherings. Make the first move to introduce yourself. Engage. I’m sure you’ve heard that greatness is found outside our comfort zone.

There’s always that feeling of being unsure or the want to be completely prepared. But do recognize those moments too that just being present is enough. You’ll experience rejection but trust me, success, ultimately, has the higher batting average. The people around you will also make a huge difference. Including those you follow online. Spend more time with those who make you feel good about yourself. People who treat you right.

We all have our doubts every once in a while. What matters is how quick we bounce back. The moment we are convinced that each person is born with infinite potential, we become more accepting of the reality that we have equal worth as human beings. We have our own paths and excel at different paces. You got this. Follow, like, subscribe to your own journey to greatness.


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