@Winning: Three years ago, I got the promotion I worked so hard for. It felt like a dream come true. Just not in the way I expected. Since then, the climb has only gotten steeper. More wins, yes, but also more weight. And slowly, the rest of my life started to shrink. I can’t remember the last family gathering I actually showed up for. My Mom no longer asks if I’ll be there. My siblings joke I’m “too big time,” but I know there’s hurt underneath that. My boyfriend and I are holding on, but barely. I’m tired. Short-tempered. Always canceling. Even when I’m there, I’m not really present. I keep saying it’s just a season but this season’s lasted three years. I miss who I was, someone who had space for joy, books, beach trips, friends. Now every minute feels borrowed from a to-do list I haven’t finished. I’m not ungrateful. But if success means slowly losing the people I love and the person I used to be, what exactly am I winning? How do I find my way back?
DJ: Since the pandemic, we’ve been pushed to do more with less. A Deloitte study found that the average workday got 48 minutes longer, with 13 percent more meetings. The New Yorker added that meeting time jumped 250 percent, and knowledge workers now spend 60 percent of their time just on emails, chats and calls.
With the promotion came more responsibility. But you didn’t recalibrate the rest of your life. You embraced “always on” as the cost of success. Slowly, you became unavailable to the people who matter most. Including yourself. You told yourself it was just a season. But three years later, this is the new normal.
Start by asking: What actually matters to me? Audit your calendar. See where your hours go. Then adjust one thing next week to reflect your real values. Sunday mornings to yourself? Monthly date nights? Quiet beach weekends? These aren’t luxuries. They’re anchors. Fight for alignment. Show up for yourself as you would for a client.
Years ago, I had a high-paying job managing a major account. But holidays turned into red alerts and I was always on call. One Christmas Eve, I was on the phone while my mom sat alone at the dinner table. Seeing her through the glass door hit me hard. Work became my life. Not just a part of it. And worse, the person on the other end of the line was still demanding more. That night, I knew something had to change. I chose to realign my life.
Have you tried communicating intentionally? A simple, sincere “I miss you” or “How are you?” can go a long way. Most of the time, they just want to feel like they still have a place in your life. You don’t need grand gestures. Just show up. Schedule default presence moments: Saturday brunch at Mom’s. Wednesday night movie with your boyfriend. These moments shouldn’t be rewards for finishing your to-do list. They’re part of life’s rhythm.
Now, if you’re starting to wonder whether to stay in your role, check in with yourself. Do you end most days fulfilled or just drained? Does your work still reflect who you are and what you value, or are you becoming someone you barely recognize? What are you giving up to keep this job and is it still worth it? Are you growing, or just surviving? And if nothing changed, would you still want to be here a year from now? Maybe it’s not time to necessarily quit. But it might be time to realign. Your role. Your rhythm. What truly matters.
You’re not whining. You’re waking up. And that’s brave. It’s okay to question whether the ladder you’re climbing is still the one you want to be on. Promotions are milestones, not destinations. Progress that costs your peace isn’t progress. It’s just motion. The best kind of success is steady, meaningful living.