Moises: Does age really matter?

Moises: Does age really matter?
SunStar Moises

@LAUREN: I’m a business owner and because of it, I travel a lot. Last year, I visited a classmate who’s based in Los Angeles. The first person I met was this good-looking gentleman holding what looked like a glass of whisky. I was 23 and he was 42. Honestly? I thought, “old guy.” It’s just funny how one’s first impression about outer appearance can change when you get to know the person better. We hit it off, naturally drawn to each other. The timing was serendipitous. Just months earlier, he had a heart attack, prompting the desire to explore the world and meet new people. Similarly, I just came out of a long-term relationship and realized that I had to be more open and fun. While we’re both family-oriented, there are noticeable gaps, too. Our differing perspectives on life stages and priorities occasionally make us question how well we can sync our futures together. Before things get too serious, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. You’re about his age.

DJ: Uhm. Does that mean I can also be in a relationship with someone your age? Kidding aside, we’re in an era where love is love and boundaries are more fluid. The doors are wide open for all demographics. Including the dating age range. Google Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. There are many such pairings. While some people may disapprove, we still accept their reality. And reducing what you have to the age gap is, I think, short sighted.

Being with someone older often means being with someone more experienced and emotionally secure. He’s likely reliable and predictable, capable of making you feel valued and appreciated. Given his age, no more wishy-washy what-are-we conversation. Less superficial factors are at play. According to studies like Justin J. Lehmiller and R. Agnew Christopher’s research, age-gap couples often report higher relationship satisfaction, greater trust, commitment and lower jealousy compared to similar-age couples.

This dynamic can lead to personal growth and a broader perspective for both of you. He offers wisdom and steadiness, while you bring energy and fresh ideas. His career stability can compliment your adventurous spirit. I can imagine how harmonious and supportive the set-up is. In fact, from the same study previously mentioned comes this observation — the negative outcomes often reside not in the couple but in pressures and judgement from the outside world.

There’s no denying that the face value can be noticeable in an event or a gathering with a whole room of people in their early twenties, with one guest in his early forties. Your parents might even be closer in age to him than you are. How much do these bother you both? What I’m just trying to point out is while your partner might be amazing, that doesn’t magically erase the age gap.

Where are you both with your life plans? You may just be getting your life started while he’s ready to settle down. Unless he’s in the midst of a mid-life crisis, he most likely has his goals and priorities locked down. Does he have a house in LA? Is he keen on starting a family? What’s your stand on relocation? How will the relationship impact your business and your personal goals? The idea of things getting serious can be felt rushed. And you have to be ready to deal with life’s big questions sooner rather than later.

That’s the funny thing with love. We sometimes end up in relationships that might challenge what society believes as what a real relationship should look like. You’ll encounter a few raised eyebrows. He’ll encounter a few “you lucky bastard” type of comments. But things can work. And if they don’t, you can talk about them. If you and your partner agree on the essential aspects like goals, values, what you stand for and what you don’t, there is nothing you can’t work through. All the rules that once defined dating are out the window. Just keep your love tank full!

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