@KIMBERLY_WALLEY: We’ve been cohabitating since the pandemic. Things are smooth. In fact, too smoothly to be true. Don’t dismiss this concern please as ramblings of some woman looking for excitement. It’s not that we’re in perfect harmony. It’s more like we’re indifferent. We’re in our mid- 30s. Engaged to be married. An IG moment abroad over a year ago. But apart from the pricey rock on my finger which I’m sure wasn’t purchased in Shopee, there’s been no mention of a wedding date or any real planning for our future together. I’ve brought it up numerous times. The response was either a dismissive laughter or a flippant suggestion to hire a wedding planner. It’s tough to admit but I don’t feel any genuine interest from him in moving forward with our relationship. I used to think that as long as he shows up, everything is fine. But deep down, I can’t shake the feeling that I deserve more. Should I be the one to suggest we go our separate ways? Or should I stick around as this might be the last train?
DJ: It’s simple logic to recognize that a relationship no longer serves one’s best interest, but it’s also understandable why some people choose to remain in such a situation. Were there already red flags that were ignored along the way? What were these? If attempts about the long term were brushed off, could it be a sign that what you have is meant to be short term?
At this point, either he steps up or you move forward with your life. That’s how the situation looks from my end. I know it sounds harsh but if you’re afraid to shake things up, that’s probably what needs to happen.
You’re not on the same page. Do you have a lot in common other than what happens between the sheets? Sure, it gives you that glow, but not enough to make the relationship healthy. You live together. You’re already doing what goes with married life. Except for the formal commitment. You’re both old enough.
You’ve already laid out your wants. Even your needs. Why not have a real talk about where this thing is headed? This is a step forward I believe. Good communication is key for any lasting relationship. If you can’t even discuss the future, there could be bigger issues at play. Be straight-up this time about what you can or cannot accept. While many dream of a forever kind of thing, if you’re going in divergent roads, the sooner you find out, the better.
I’m a guy, too. And sometimes, not wanting to tie the knot doesn’t necessarily mean we want to end things. Quite frankly, the current setup is probably way more convenient for your partner, especially if there’s no clear position to lock it down. And if you choose to appear clueless, why should he tell you that he isn’t marrying you? You seem to be okay with the ring while he’s having his cake and is eating it, too! I’m not saying you twist his arm into thinking that he is losing you. What I’m saying is make sure he knows you have a life. See the difference?
Some peeps stick around in meh relationships because they are settling for less, or out of habit or because they’re scared to risk going solo again thinking that it’s such a lonely thing. Will this be the last train? I don’t know. But I think the worst-case scenario here isn’t a break-up. It’s betting your whole life, your future on someone who is not capable of going all-in. You are enough. Why be in a relationship that makes you feel less?
After that convo, take a step back and think. You’ve been banking at this potential long enough. Is he the real deal or are you just hoping he’ll transform into your K-drama prince? You can’t change him into someone he’s not. Moving forward means accepting that you’re not where you wanna stay. At the end of the day, the quality of our life is highly influenced by the quality of our relationships. So, if you are to hold on to someone forever, make sure it’s the person who also wants you to stay forever.