@KAI: I’m not originally from Cebu. I moved here right after college for work, full of ambition and excitement, but I quickly realized that building a life in a new city came with challenges I hadn’t anticipated.
Career-wise, things were going well. On weekends, though, I often found myself alone. My old friends were scattered across the country, busy with their own lives, and forming new connections in a city where I had no roots felt harder than I expected. Social events and networking gatherings helped, but they often felt surface-level. There were milestones I celebrated quietly, without someone who truly knew my journey.
I remember hearing in one of your talks that you’re also not originally from Cebu. How did you build relationships that were meaningful and lasting, rather than just casual acquaintances? And what advice would you give to someone in their 30s who fears they might have “missed the window” for deep, authentic friendships?
DJ: Moving to a new city for work is exciting, but it also comes with the reality of building a social circle from scratch. I remember those early months well, weekends, milestones and challenges without someone who truly knew my story.
Over time, I learned that friendships don’t happen by accident. They require intention and a willingness to be vulnerable.
A good starting point is shared space. Professional and industry circles help, not just for work, but because people there understand similar pressures and challenges. Faith-based or spiritual communities can also offer a sense of belonging built on shared values.
Outside of work, hobby-based communities matter more than we think. Running clubs, hiking groups, art classes, or volunteer organizations create regular interaction, which is where real connection happens. Volunteering, in particular, introduces you to people who share a sense of purpose beyond social convenience.
What changed things for me was shifting from collecting contacts to building conversations. Instead of exchanging business cards and moving on, I focused on one-on-one follow-ups, coffee, lunch, or a simple check-in. As an introvert, I stopped trying to meet everyone and chose to connect deeply with a few people who shared my values and interests.
I remember inviting a couple of acquaintances to lunch after an event. That small gesture grew into friendships where we celebrated wins and navigated setbacks together.
Friendships also deepen through shared experiences. My circle in Cebu began with people who were also new to the city. We bonded over sports, road trips, local discoveries and the everyday quirks of settling into a new place. Being open about missing family and old friends helped turn casual connections into something more solid.
People respond to authenticity. Small, consistent routines matter more than grand gestures. Over time, these moments become anchors, something you look forward to even in the middle of busy schedules.
You haven’t missed the window. For many of us, our 30s are when we become more intentional and honest about the relationships we build. Focus on quality, show up consistently and allow friendships to grow at their own pace. The right ones will last.