Moises: Going through the first heartbreak

Moises: Going through the first heartbreak

@STEVEN: I am bummed at the fact that my girlfriend ended things with me. She’s my first serious relationship. This hits me like a ton of bricks. I never anticipated it would hurt so much. The pain is so raw. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else. I keep replaying our time together in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. Was it something I said or did? Could I have been more attentive, more understanding? She meant the world to me and right now, I’m standing in the wreckage of something I thought was solid. It’s hard to see beyond the pain.

DJ: Going through a breakup sucks. I totally get where you’re coming from. Those mornings when you wake up and your brain has to remind you again that you’re no longer together. It’s tough. I remember driving to work, wondering how everything would be okay. People enter relationships with optimism, dreams for the future. So when it all falls apart, it feels like the future shatters too. But as much as we wish for magical wisdom to move on instantly, healing takes time. There’s no quick fix to a better emotional state without going through the process.

Feeling sad is okay. If you’ve watched “Inside Out 2,” you’d see that unvalidated feelings can lead to problems. Emotions serve a purpose. While Joy kept Riley from painful experiences, she eventually figured out that Sadness comes with a purpose too. Without sadness, Riley was not able to heal. She felt unable to confide in her parents, leading to her feeling alone. So, in the context of your heartbreak, the sadness is your queue that something needs to be released. It also connects you deeply with people, which is a critical component of happiness. At the end of the day, both our positive and negative emotions work hand in hand so we can have better behavioral choices.

It’s normal to replay every detail of your relationship and wonder where you went wrong. But dwelling too much won’t help. Taking responsibility is not the same as accepting full responsibility for the downfall of the relationship. You broke up for a reason. And both of you had something to do with it. Rather than blame, gain insight into what led to its end and what you’ve learned. You can accept your side of things, then ask yourself: What do you want in your life now that you know better?

Talk about your thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to go through this alone! Support from friends and family helps make sense of things and offers new perspectives. Having some of the people who are close to you can help you feel less alone and distract you from wallowing in grief. Even if it’s just listening to how you feel, it is better to get things off your chest than letting them fester.

When my heart was broken, I learned to create my own occasions of personal happiness instead of waiting for them to appear. I divided my weekends equally between time spent alone and with people who lifted me up. I had solo activities like working out, road trips, or caring for my pets. They did not make the heartache completely disappear, but they helped me gradually start to feel happier and move on from the breakup.

Breakups are never fun to go through, especially the first time around. But the truth is, heartbreaks – for whatever reason – are part of life that everyone deals with in their own way. There will be good days and bad days. And I pray that you always find the strength to keep going. You can take a pause, but pick yourself up eventually and move forward. In time, you’ll realize that in loving and in life, our greatest learning is not that we’re never disappointed or that our loved ones will never let us down. It is in rising to the occasion and still choose to be the better person. You got this. Keep ya head up, man.

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