@PAULINX: I’ve cherished a friendship with someone since grade school. Let’s call her Denise. She’s a remarkable person, excelling academically, in sports, and even in beauty pageants. Beauty, body, and brains. However, my secret envy has often overshadowed my admiration. I’ve longed to be in the spotlight rather than just playing the role of her sidekick. When her boyfriend dumped her recently, I found an unsettling satisfaction in her pain. Yes, I’m that evil, and I hate myself for feeling this way. How can I be genuinely a good friend?
DJ: Your honesty and self-awareness are truly admirable. It takes great courage to confront and acknowledge the feelings you’re experiencing. Envy is a common emotion that can affect people in various ways, whether it’s about appearances, talents, relationships or bank accounts. Recognizing how envy can unintentionally harm others is a significant step toward happiness and inner peace. Good job! I was fortunate to receive guidance from my parents at an early age when they noticed my strong competitive streak as a first-grader. While this insight may seem too advanced for a young child, I eventually embraced the lesson and evolved into a more relaxed individual.
I suggest you safeguard the thoughts you permit into your mind. Redirect your attention from what Denise has to what you have. The reason you’re too caught up with jealousy is that you’re most likely counting her blessings instead of yours. You are talented. What are your talents? You are gifted. Reflect on your gifts. You are cared for. Call those moments to mind. You are unique. Know more about what sets you apart. And every time your mind wanders to the greener grass on the other side of the fence, nip it in the bud. What you focus on expands.
Remember, too, that no one has it all. When you scroll up and down through social media, you’re glimpsing snapshots of people’s lives, not the full picture. Even if you’ve known Denise since grade school, you don’t know exactly what’s within her mind, her heart, or her soul. Why would a high-profile celebrity like Moonbin take his own life? No one is perfect, and nobody possesses everything, each harboring their own fears and insecurities. And when we acknowledge our shared humanity, we begin to view others with compassion instead of envy. Life is beautiful but tough. No one is spared. And it’s best that we support each other instead of canceling each other. Denise is currently nursing a heartbreak. You can be a better friend by offering your hand for her to hold through this painful yet transformative experience towards healing.
Finally, find a life outside the friendship. Be your own person. While friendships are invaluable, they shouldn’t overshadow your individuality. By having a life beyond Denise, you’re investing in your personal development, which is crucial for self-confidence, resilience, and self-discovery. Engage in activities, hobbies, and pursuits that genuinely resonate with you. They’ll enrich your life and provide a well-rounded sense of fulfillment. Be selective as well of the company you keep. If they’re the type who are into comparisons, you’re trapped. Rather be with those who aspire to be better while grateful for what they have. Their spirit will influence you more to rejoice in your own good fortune and that of others.
You are doing just fine. Don’t be too hard on yourself either. We all have something to work on. Personally, I may not struggle with envy, but I have a short fuse when it comes to road behavior. I commit every day to be better at managing the negativity I tend to absorb on my way to work. Being self-aware is already a huge step. Give yourself a pat on the back. Sending this email is just the beginning of more substantial actions, freeing yourself from envy that’s been holding you hostage for far too long. We are all works in progress as long as we are breathing. And because you’re well aware of what you need to work on, no doubt you’re on your way to becoming a better you. Not only that, you’re also embarking on an even more fulfilling life, knowing that you, too, are blessed.