@Verity Bloom: I was supposed to be a June bride once. Years ago. Before the invitations were printed. Before the flowers were picked. Before she came into the picture. Back then, I had my boyfriend at his beginning. When no one really knew his name yet, I did. I was there through the quiet doubts he never showed the world. I stayed through the hustle, the uncertainty, the making of a man. And when he finally made it, he chose someone else to share the view from the top. They’re married now. Building a home together. But here I am. Well past my 30s. No relationship. No suitors. Not even close. Should I consider dating a foreigner? I don’t want to be alone. But I’m tired, too. Tired of being the girl who stayed loyal to a love that didn’t stay. June hurts because once, it held a dream that felt so real.
DJ: I see the ache behind your words. But being single at this age isn’t a failure. It’s just data. So, let’s work with it. Time published in 2023 that more people than ever before are living solo. Nearly 40 percent of adults in the US are unpartnered, up from 29 percent in 1990.
Whatever the reason was, he was not the right partner for you. Maybe he changed. Maybe you did. Or maybe he simply lacked the courage to choose a love that had already stood the test of time. Whatever the case, know this: someone who can walk away from your love was never meant to stay for your future.
It’s tempting to see yourself as the one left behind. But you didn’t lose him. You were spared. You didn’t miss out on a lifetime. You avoided years of slow erosion of your self-worth, your peace, your identity. That’s not a loss. That’s a quiet kind of rescue. In the same article, it was said that people in unhappy marriages have worse health outcomes compared to those who were never married.
Staying with the wrong person chips away at you. Slowly from the inside out. And while they’re building a home, maybe it’s time you start building your life, too. I’m single by choice. Wink! And it’s not a sad story. It’s a launchpad for growth, freedom and joy. It can be yours too. Start with three areas: body, mind and heart. Find a personal trainer and do workouts three to five days a week. Exercise clears your mind, boosts your mood and if you’re diligent with your routine, it builds confidence, too.
Consider graduate education. You’re not catching up. You’re investing in a future you believe in. And that matters. Choose a program that aligns with your background, passion and vision. Are you looking to grow in your current field or pivot into something new? Can you commit full-time, or do you need flexibility? Talk to people who’ve taken the path you’re eyeing. Their insight can save you time and doubt. In my experience, learning is a gentle rebellion against hopelessness. Education gives you focus. A path forward. Not back. And it places you in new rooms with new people where your story can begin again.
Go where there’s laughter. Say yes to gatherings. Even if it feels awkward at first. Spend time with people who remind you of who you are. Those who reflect your strength, humor and goodness back to you. I know it’s hard. Especially when you’re soul-deep tired. But you have to begin somewhere. Not for anyone else. Not to prove you’re over him. But because your life is still yours. You have a future that’s waiting. You don’t have to feel brave all the time. You just have to take one brave step. Then another. Until one day, you’ll look back and say, “I’m proud of the girl who didn’t give up on herself.”
Going for an Afam? Why not? Regardless of his passport, what matters more is you’re with someone who chooses you fully, freely and with no unfinished business. Don’t let loneliness speak louder than discernment. Be open but be wise about who you let into your life. If you’re going to be with someone, let it be for the right reasons, at the right time, with the right person. And until then, live, heal, build and become.