Moises: Second chance for a jilted bride-to-be

Moises: Second chance  for a jilted bride-to-be

@TAYLOR: I have not been in a relationship for years. The last one was a painful one. My fiancé broke up with me months before the wedding. This new year, a new guy came along. He’s respectful, supportive, responsible with finances. Looking at your social media, you have the same peg. The hurt is still there considering that I have been rejected by someone who also said he’d love me for the rest of his life. I now have my insecurities. What if my new BF will once again see something about me that will make him change his mind? How can I be a better GF this time around?

DJ: How much was the engagement ring? Seriously, it wasn’t solely your fault that the relationship with your ex ended. Love and relationships are complex and dynamic. Probably you both changed. Or the relationship changed. Or everything changed. Sometimes, people just grow apart physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Focus on what can be instead of what could be.

I totally get how tough it is to understand how someone who once made you happy has chosen to step out of your life. Been there. But just as you cannot make someone choose to love you, it’s also not all on you if someone unloves you. Props to you for thinking about being a better GF this time. More than that, however, think about how you can be a better person. I’m sure there were lessons learned. Time to use these steps not because of past drama but because you are moving forward.

You are changing for the better not because of your new BF or for anyone else. It’s all about you, girl! I went through a rough break-up once. I was all about changing myself thinking one day she’d realize her mistake. Well, that day never came. It reached a point that I was no longer living authentically. I learned the hard way that not everyone will like us. No point pretending to be someone else just to be accepted. You risk forgetting who you are — your likes, beliefs, goals — and you’ll be unhappy.

Start by liking you as you and then work from there. This is not a green light to stay in your comfort zone. I’m just saying start by appreciating your strengths and use them not to please people but to simply add value. You feel me? What are your talents? Expand on them. Let’s say you have a knack for public speaking but you’ve never rocked a big crowd before. Go do it. Your voice might just be waiting to be heard. Expose yourself to new situations. If you are uncomfortable, it means you’re growing.

Check out your way of life. What are your personal and moral standards? Don’t feel forced to do stuff that does not sit right with you. And don’t be vague about it. It’s cool to care for others, to be of service to those you love. Just don’t lose sight also of what’s right and what’s appropriate for you. What are these by the way? It is okay if those around you do not share the value. It’s nice that you respect their choices and that they also respect yours.

Meet new people. Besides getting fresh ideas, we build a solid foundation for relationships when we are curious, when we dive deeper than small talk. When we work at being better listeners, not only do we have meaningful conversations. We also discover stuff about ourselves that we probably didn’t know. Perhaps you’d figure why you did not take the path they did or why you should explore this possibility.

Keep your focus on the process. Not the end game of being liked. Then you’ll be in a better space to adopt, to be flexible and to what extent you will go. You’re not allowing your BF or my tips or anyone to define you. Trust that if you keep evolving because you’re growing, you attract all the good vibes including love. In fact, he might just be right there with you, holding your hand, smiling as you’re checking out my response. You said we have the same vibe. Is he rocking the bald look, too?

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