Moises: Sisters fighting over a boy friend

Darwin Moises.
Darwin Moises.File photo

@MICHELLE: My younger sister and I share a close bond, being the second and third among our five siblings, with just a two-year age gap. This connection has grown since we were kids, despite pursuing different courses within the same university. While she delves into the world of modeling, my focus lies more on academics. We often receive compliments for our looks. So, what’s the problem? A shared love interest. He’s a family friend. Her classmate which somewhat gives her the edge. However, he said he likes me and maintains regular communication even when we’re on different campuses. Yet, he’s been telling his friends he likes my sister too. In fact, he’s frequently seen with her because they have the same modeling agency. I find myself grappling with feelings of jealousy. The potential for a full-blown sibling rivalry over this guy looms, and I am unsure of what to do.

DJ: One man, two sisters and potentially a bunch of drama. We see it in movies, TV series or music. These love triangles where women fight over a guy can be cool if it’s him who is fantasizing about it. But in my opinion, it’s a damn shame if it happens in real life. You’re still students. No one’s getting married real soon. Hats off to your courage to look at your situation straight to the eye. And given your potential, time might come that you’ll see that there is so much more to focus on other than engaging in what can be a rivalry with your own sister.

Hopefully, you aren’t both getting played with him getting a nice little ego boost from seeing two beautiful sisters go at it over him. Who knows? He could care less how this is truly affecting both parties as when it’s all said and done, he still gets the benefits he desires. There’s simply no winning given this scenario. Why don’t you ask this guy what he means when he says he likes you?

Attractions don’t always lead to dating. Liking someone is not what makes a relationship work. Maturity is what makes it work. Time to know what this guy is truly made of.

Now, if you’re both totally nuts over this dude, it isn’t going to be pretty at all. Have you tried talking about it and sorting this out with your sister? You’re the older one so I suggest you take the lead. All relationships, whether dating, family or between friends depend on our ability to open-up and communicate honestly with each other. Does your sister truly think he’s worth pursuing over you? Can you give this potential up? In the end, neither one of you gets to decide who thinks a guy chooses to date. Will both of you be fine whoever lands this guy?

I’m not recommending you go the route of outdoing each other to win him. Rather take a step back and look at each other’s position and negotiate from there. When you communicate, you’re more likely to succeed in creating a mutually acceptable solution. Any man who puts you into a position where you feel like you have to compete for his love, attention and respect doesn’t actually care much about you. If ever he does, there would be no room for anyone else. A man who loves you and is mature enough to commit doesn’t want anyone else.

What are your plans after college? How do you see yourself five years or 10 years from now? How does this family friend fit into the picture? Your goals can change drastically in your mid 20s and 30s. Dramatically different. Your sister is family. A constant. Is your life-long bond with someone who is going to be there for you for the rest of your life worth risking for this guy you’re yet to fully know? From my perspective, if he values either one of you, there wouldn’t even be a triangle. There would be no situation in which two women feel the need to prove to one another how much more important they are to him than the other one. If you have to fight your sister for a man, then it’s likely that this is not the man for you. Just saying. Let him go.

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