@VIA_MALONZO: Embarked on another out of the country vacation with my boyfriend before the close of 2023. To say it was damned is a bit dramatic. But it was horrible. Actually, most of the trips we took consistently teetered between mediocrity and outright disappointment. Not to sound mean or discriminatory, but he’s a bit dull. On the flip side, he thinks he’s smart! That’s why he has a temper. He wants everything to turn out the way he likes. He’s rude. Sure, he’s got undeniable appeal. But not exactly the best near-aged companion. We just have nothing to really talk about. The thing is I just found out I’m pregnant. Just as when I have decided to break up with him. To borrow your phrase, now what?
DJ: Traveling usually unpacks stuff about a relationship. In your case, it revealed a dysfunction in your bond. Vacation troubles do not necessarily translate to other areas of your life together. Just because you’re not the best travel companions to each other doesn’t mean the relationship is toast. However, the traits you found to be unacceptable can’t be ignored.
Majority of long-term relationships face serious issues at one point or another. I suggest you completely remove, for now, the new development inside your ovary and assess the relationship. Have you considered the good? Give him credit for it. Do you two trust each other? Share similar values like family, ambition, and having a good time? Are your differences complementary? And most importantly, are you both willing to work through the issues? No matter how tough. If both of you find it as a space to thrive, I think it’s still a relationship worth saving.
You mentioned something about conversation. Couples who are satisfied and happy with each other are more likely to communicate more. On the other hand, poor communication can seriously fracture it. More so if there’s a pattern of unwillingness to speak up and compromise. Has it become increasingly difficult to communicate and share your likes and interests? Are you finding new reasons to argue daily? Do you keep breaking up and getting back together?
What’s the major reason? There’s a build-up of other reasons but dig deep to figure out the primary reason. Is it because you’re on different wavelengths intellectually? Is it because he’s rude? We all have unpleasant habits. No one is perfect. But can you live with them? The default is he won’t change. That’s outside your control. Imagine the future without him. Are you better off?
I suggested setting aside the pregnancy talk because it’s a game-changer on its own. Your body is changing. A whole lot in your life is shifting. And if the relationship is no longer working for you, sticking around just because leaving seems so daunting can mean kicking the can down the road. You decide your non-negotiable, your own reasons to be in or out of this relationship, pregnant or otherwise. I am frankly not among those who would recommend marriage just because someone is pregnant.
There is no need to rush your decision. That’s my opinion. What I recommend, in case you have not done it yet, is to check your financial situation. Make sure you’ve got all your bases covered. You’re about to build a nest for you and your baby. It’s good to be prepared for what you need to gain as much stability and independence as possible. Do you have a strong support system? Keeping people who care for you close can help you with the process.
This is the time to focus more on yourself and your baby. He or she is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to you. Taking good care of yourself helps the health of your baby as well. Trust that this situation will bring you towards becoming the person you are meant to be. I’m praying for you. You got this.