@JUSTIN: I’m not good looking. My face decided to have an extra filter, making my nose larger than average. My hairline has been playing a slow game of hide-and-seek for years. It’s definitely winning. I’m not tall either. Just vertically efficient. Yet, I’m drawn towards pretty girls. Back in high school, I had a huge crush on the class muse who had perfect hair and a smile that could light up the classroom. In college, I was smitten with a campus queen who had alluring eyes and a laugh that was contagious. More recently, I’m admiring an officemate who has an incredible sense of style and a natural beauty that turns heads wherever she goes. Do I stand a chance?
DJ: You have a sense of humor. And a study at the University of Kansas found that when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely it is for her to be interested in dating. Boom! You have your edge. In fact, humor is among the most valued traits in a partner. But finding someone who appreciates your sense of humor is just as key. So what if you have a face only your mother can love? If this officemate is someone you can laugh with, it might mean you have a future with her that’s going to be fun and filled with good cheer.
With the predominance of Prince Charming and chiseled heroes, we can’t blame people for believing in the magic of good looks. Let’s face it, no pun intended, a person’s level of attractiveness can impact someone’s first impression and how one is perceived by others. But do you know that the magic ingredient is the person’s confidence because of his belief that he is attractive? So, if you’re secure with yourself, you can approximate the same positive loop. I won’t BS you by telling you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I can tell you, though, is only one aspect. It’s self-confidence that has a long-lasting impact on relationships. Intelligence is also another attractive personality. Do you know that there is a strong link between humor and smarts? Research actually found that people with high IQs or faces that are perceived as intelligent are desirable as partners. Another plus!
Because you’re aware of what you lack, zoom in on what you have and what you can do. Prioritize grooming and hygiene habits. I’ve got a high-definition hairline too. Instead of combing through whatever thin hair that’s left, I decided to shave them all off and it worked. Consider doing the same in case you haven’t. Eat healthy and work out. They’re linked not only to physical but also mental health benefits over time. I’m sure you now have a better appreciation of what mindset does. Even if one’s appearance doesn’t meet the traditional standards for good looks, embracing one’s health, emotional and intellectual qualities is attractive, too!
I hope you aren’t also guilty of lookism. The prejudice against the unattractive. Just wanting to put this out there. As a friend. Because it’s quite baked into human nature and a lot of peeps are even unaware that they have it. But it can be found in the kind of jokes you share or laugh with, and how you treat people you perceive to have irregular features. One 2004 study actually found that more people report being discriminated against because of their looks than because of their ethnicity. If this officemate is a woman you deserve, she will fall in love with you for many reasons and she will stay in love because of your sincerity. That’s what she also deserves.
While looks can arouse interest, a good person can notice beyond what’s seen on the surface. It takes a lot more than a handsome face to make a woman stay. And the more she gets to know you, the less appearance matters. Women want men who can seriously commit to a relationship, who strive to nurture intimacy and resolve conflicts. They want a confident and decisive partner to feel a sense of security. Good looks don’t contribute to that but personality and maturity do.
Dude, you’re more than just the sum of your features. Take a shot with this officemate. Hone and develop yourself even more. And leverage on your sense of humor. If she laughs, you’re already halfway there. You’ve got nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain!