@MYRA: I work for a real estate firm and have an officemate whom I genuinely admire. He stands out in a highly competitive environment due to his consistent excellence in his job. He’s personable, good-looking, smiles a lot and easy to get along with. We share many mutual interests and have developed a good rapport. Recently, he has shown interest in taking our work relationship to a more personal level. He has been sending me good morning and good night messages, checking if I have eaten and offering help with both work-related tasks and personal matters. It’s flattering, but there’s one crucial issue — he’s married. Based on his socials, they appear to be a happy family. I’m finding myself falling for him. How can I keep the work relationship professional and avoid getting entangled in a mess I don’t want to be in?
DJ: Walking away from a married man isn’t just a social responsibility. It’s self-respect. His family will always come first, and TBH, how could they not? You deserve to be with someone who can fully commit to you, not someone who is already committed. Regardless of his reasons, a relationship marked by inequality, mistrust and deception is a heavy emotional load for you and for everyone involved.
Set boundaries. Politely but firmly shut down any romantic advances and keep conversations strictly professional. If he slides into your DMs or offers help with personal stuff, don’t engage. It’s crucial to avoid getting caught in a cycle of emotional dependency. Given that you work together, this can be tricky. It’s no secret that your social environment plays an influential role in shaping your emotions and decisions. So, keep interactions at work. If he continues to push, let him know you’re uncomfortable with the situation. This is essential for your mental well-being.
Tune your attention on self-growth and personal development. You’re feeling all the feels for him. The remedy takes more than simply throwing darts at his photo or binging Moira’s “Paubaya.” I don’t suggest you bury your emotions. Suppressing them often backfires. Instead, create more social momentum outside the workspace. Enroll in a grad program. The structured, intellectual grind will shift your focus toward your academic and career goals. Join a civic group and expand to new social circles. When you’re with a diverse group of people, you gain fresh perspectives on various aspects of life. Engage in activities that give you meaning and joy. You are not simply looking for distractions. It’s about having alternatives that nurture you.
Focus on what can be instead of dwelling on what can’t be. See the difference? Your mindset plays a starring role here. Zoom in on something you have control of instead of why can’t it be? You can be someone’s priority instead of being a side option. No matter how sweet the talk about love might be. Redirect your energy into positive and life-affirming activities. By focusing on what you can achieve, you’ll find more solutions and opportunities.
Get support from your circle. Being accountable is a game-changer. Chat with a trusted friend or mentor. They can offer valuable perspectives to help you navigate this situation without compromising your personal integrity. Invest time in your relationships with family and friends. Plan regular hangouts and other opportunities that strengthen your connections. They’ll also reinforce the importance of being in a healthy, appropriate relationship. If needed, think about a work transfer or even a new job. Go no contact. The move can help you uphold the boundaries and keep your focus on your career without letting personal feelings get in the way.
Maybe you’ve been single for too long. Maybe you think the love of your life just happens to be taken. Or you’re just drawn to the overtures of a charming married coworker. Whatever the case may be, stay in control of your life. The best is yet to come. You don’t need to settle. The future is brighter than you think. You just need to be free and be ready for it!