As we commemorate Feb. 14, the day of love, it is worth reflecting on how love influences not just our personal relationships but also our family businesses and legacies. Ownership of shares in family businesses has long been a contentious issue, often igniting deep-seated conflicts among siblings, parents and extended relatives. It is an issue of control, entitlement and legacy, and, in many cases, a reflection of differing values across generations. While some families see the passage of wealth as an unquestionable duty, others recognize a different approach—one rooted not in inheritance, but in love, gratitude and a desire for parental fulfillment in their twilight years.
The burden of inheritance
In Asia, and particularly within Confucian-influenced cultures, the act of passing down wealth and business ownership to the next generation is seen as both a privilege and a duty. Parents often feel an obligation to distribute their hard-earned assets among their children, believing that financial security should be their lasting legacy. However, this traditional perspective frequently leads to disputes. The distribution of shares—who gets what and in what proportion—often breeds resentment and competition among heirs. The dynamics can become even more toxic when some children are actively involved in the business while others are not, leading to disparities in perceived fairness. Power struggles emerge when certain siblings feel entitled to a larger share or when parents attempt to maintain control even as they age.
One such case I handled involved a prominent business family where the father, despite his advancing age, refused to relinquish control over his business empire. His children, each with their own aspirations, became divided—some pushing for ownership rights, others advocating for equal distribution, and a few hoping to cash out entirely. The internal strife led to a breakdown in familial relationships, with the business suffering as a result.
A different approach: When love trumps wealth
In stark contrast, I encountered a migrant family overseas whose approach to wealth and succession was refreshingly different. The parents had spent their lives building a business from the ground up, sacrificing personal luxuries to ensure that their six children received the best education possible. As they grew older, they began contemplating how to divide their assets among their children.
To their surprise, their six children came together and “conspired”—not to claim their inheritance, but to free their parents from any financial obligations toward them. They confronted their parents and told them to enjoy their wealth in their old age. They reassured them that their investment in their education and the love they had provided was more than enough.
This powerful moment shifted the entire family dynamic. Instead of being burdened by thoughts of inheritance, the parents felt liberated, knowing their children did not see them as a financial safety net but as loving parents whose happiness mattered most.
Rethinking ownership and legacy through love
The contrast between these two stories highlights an important cultural and philosophical debate: Is wealth truly an obligation to pass down, or is it simply a tool that should be used for the happiness and well-being of those who built it? Family businesses need to address ownership proactively, setting clear expectations through governance structures, shareholder agreements and transparent communication. However, beyond the legal and financial mechanisms, families must also examine their deeper motivations. Are they driven by legacy, control, or a genuine desire to uplift the next generation?
Perhaps the true inheritance parents can leave their children is not the distribution of shares, but the love, values, education and wisdom they impart. And, in turn, perhaps the greatest gift children can give their parents is the freedom to enjoy the fruits of their labor without feeling like their wealth must be carved up as an obligatory bequest.
In the end, ownership should not be a source of conflict but a conversation of love, respect and gratitude—one that transcends financial assets and redefines what it truly means to leave a lasting legacy.
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