Editorial: Honor thy parents

THE fourth commandment tells us, "Honor your mother and father." Yet, many Christians struggle with this commandment, as the reality is that we cannot choose our parents. Consequently, we must accept that they play a significant role in shaping our lives. But what does it mean to honor parents who hurt or abuse us? Should we still respect them if they exploit us for their own benefit?

This perennial debate resurfaced when Filipino gymnast Carlos Yulo brought honor to the country by winning two medals at the 2024 Paris Olympics. Unfortunately, his remarkable achievement was overshadowed when social media erupted with controversial posts about his relationship with his mother, Angelica Yulo.

Reports suggest that one source of tension was Angelica withdrawing prize money from Carlos' bank account without his knowledge. In a TikTok video on August 6, Carlos broke his silence, expressing hope that his mother could heal from their public fallout. An emotional Angelica later apologized to her son, though she did not disclose the cause of their rift. Carlos' father, Mark Andrew, denied that money was the issue, instead attributing the tension to Carlos' relationship with his girlfriend, Chloe San Jose.

The public has been divided, questioning the sincerity of Angelica's apology while others believe that, in the end, blood is thicker than water. Carlos' situation resonates with many children who have strained relationships with their parents.

Is it morally right to speak against your parents? In Filipino culture, respect for parents is ingrained, tied to the concept of "utang na loob" or deep gratitude. However, this can become toxic, with some parents using it to guilt-trip their children. Narcissistic parents might say, "I gave birth to you!” or “I clean/cook/wash after you! What else do you want?!” to manipulate their children. But children never asked to be born.

Merriam-Webster defines "honor" as "to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect." Children are urged to obey and appreciate their parents, as they are seen as a reflection of God's fullness. Nonetheless, this does not give parents the right to provoke or abuse their children. The Bible also advises parents: “Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21) and “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Respect is a two-way street. It is difficult to honor someone who does not reciprocate that respect. Many children grow up feeling resentful due to a cycle of guilt-tripping, where their emotions and opinions are dismissed. It is easier to build a strong and loving relationship with children than to repair a broken adult, as American writer Frederick Douglass said, “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Whatever the Yulos are facing, we hope they can resolve it privately and find peace.

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