THOUGHTS about giving up are at the center stage in my mind now as I take my turn watching mom at the hospital. Not me, though.
What if someone decides and just gives up living?
This was a conversation I had with mom while she was still at home with medication for pneumonia and her regular meds.
She goes catatonic when she's sick. She's 89, and "Ayoko na!" is a repeated refrain.
I told her straight, it's not us who decides, so she'd better negotiate with God, instead.
She repeated her refrain, and I told her to talk to God. She replied, "Baka sumagot."
"Eh di mabuti!" I said. That ended our conversation, and the next day, it was off to the hospital, complete with the long process of admission.
It's been three days now, and it's my turn again to watch. She's back to her spiel: "Ayoko na!"
She'd say that after taking in three tablespoons of food, or after taking three sips of Ensure, or water.
Her final say will always be, "Huwag niyo akong pilitin!" It's back to sleep then.
She'd later break out in another spiel: "Ayoko na! Hirap na hirap na ako!"
I'd remind her, she has to talk to God, not me, and if she really doesn't want to be in the hospital, then she has to eat well. That'd earn me an additional half a spoon of food taken in, nothing else.
Indeed, there will be times when we would love to give up on life. I can imagine being sick and weak at 89. The desire to give up must be overpowering.
At a different hospital where she was confined in January this year, a person asked how old she was, and when I said she was 88 (she turned 89 in May), that person said, "Aw, tiguwang na diay pud kaayo (Oh, she's very old)!"
It was as if it were a given reality that she was approaching the end and would most likely give up the fight for life. But I pointed out a separate reality as I said, "Their eldest is 101 and she's still alive."
Indeed, how do we deal with loved ones who give up before their time?
I'm just blessed I'm a pranic healer. I can heal energies and bring back some glow of health. For how long?
Mag-usap muna kami ni God.
-o0o-
Big shout-out to Doc Benedict Valdez and the team of doctors at SPMC. Thank you for all your help. (saestremera@gmail.com)