When I first met her, I was young. She had a beautiful face and a soft-spoken demeanor. It seemed like everyone adored her, and I was no exception. As the years passed, our paths crossed again, and she allowed me to be in a place many people only dream of.
She trusted me to lead, but I stumbled at first. My shortcomings brought me a great deal of misery. So, when another chance came, I poured everything into it — I focused intensely on what was expected of me. But then, she abruptly ended it, offering positive reasons I knew were not entirely true. It hurt deeply.
I questioned God — if letting me go was meant to lead to a brighter future, as she claimed, why did it have to happen so suddenly? The pain was overwhelming. Yet, despite my hurt and the mistrust in my heart, I stayed loyal to her – ambivalent feelings.
I pretended to others that she had not caused me pain.
Years later, we worked again together on an advocacy project. I tried my best, like a child seeking approval from a mother. God blessed me with success — I delivered the plans, and others applauded, but she never did. I wondered why it was so hard for her to acknowledge me. That was when I began to distance myself from her.
We had opportunities to meet virtually, and each time I saw her, the pain resurfaced. I wanted to ask her why all of this was happening. And when she spoke, it reminded me of our past, and I felt a deep fear. Every word she said pierced me with pain.
I never talked with her about what went wrong between us. Maybe it was because she never truly listened when I tried to express my emotions. I did not attempt to bring it up again because I believed she had already closed that chapter.
Then, unexpectedly, we met again while rushing to follow up on my professional license.
We had a brief conversation, and to my surprise, I liked it. Like a mother, I saw love in her eyes for the first time. At that moment, I did not dwell on the pain but instead remembered all she had done to change my life.
I recalled how she was the first to give me a significant leadership role, introduced me to influential, hardworking leaders, and made me realize the value of postgraduate education, which I am benefiting from now.
I have learned that pain can damage relationships, and hearing others’ stories can sometimes add to that pain. Choosing not to discuss ill feelings will only lead to deeper scars. While it is not wise to talk when anger is fresh, leaving things unresolved is also a mistake.
Sometimes, God allows us to experience pain through others. We may resent them for it, but we often forget that without those painful experiences, we might not have found the success and growth we needed. It is important to remember that every challenge and every person who tests us plays a role in our journey. Instead of holding onto bitterness, we should seek to understand the lessons behind the pain.
Yes, to heal, it is crucial to forgive others and us for any mistakes or missteps we have made. Letting go of the past allows us to move forward. Remember that unresolved feelings can weigh us down, so we must not be afraid to seek closure through conversation or personal reflection.
I hope our paths cross again so I can thank her personally for shaping me into who I am today. So, let us all appreciate the journey, the struggles, and those who helped us grow, whether they knew it or not. Embrace the pain, learn from it, and let us use it to become our best selves. Thank you, Madam!