Finding joy beyond Christmas pressure

MICHAEL woke up on December 24, 2024, with a familiar mix of excitement and heaviness in his chest. Christmas in the Philippines was meant to be joyful, filled with laughter, family gatherings, and overflowing tables. But this year felt different.

As someone who has been working in Davao City for 10 years now, after leaving his hometown in Governor Generoso, Davao Oriental, the experience of celebrating Christmas has been quite different. The pressure to buy gifts, prepare food, and show up to reunions weighed heavily on him. What made it even harder was the quiet pain he carried after his 10-year relationship ended just a week before Christmas, leaving him feeling lost at a time when everyone else seemed to be celebrating.

“With the current economic turmoil, along with the traffic on the road, I feel like it’s not really that merry for me as I grow up,” Michael admitted. He remembered something his cousin once told him: that holiday stress is real, especially for Filipinos. Money worries, family expectations, and endless obligations often make the season overwhelming rather than comforting.

That afternoon, Michael decided to slow down and step away from the noise. He read advice from a mental health expert who emphasized the importance of grounding oneself in what truly matters — reconnecting with loved ones and setting clear boundaries for time, energy, and finances. Instead of trying to do everything, Michael chose to focus on what felt meaningful and manageable.

According to Dr. Ma. Bernadette Manalo-Arcena, a psychiatrist, the holidays can be emotionally exhausting when expectations exceed reality. She advises people to manage expectations honestly and gently, reminding them to do their best without striving for perfection.

“Physically, there is exhaustion. There is fatigue when you don’t plan what you need to do,” she said.

“Psychologically, expectations can create a mindset where we want things to happen a certain way, and when those expectations are not met, we feel like we have failed,” she added.

Taking a deep breath, Michael sat down and made a simple plan for Christmas. He focused on the moments that mattered most: sharing a quiet family dinner, connecting with relatives abroad through a video call, and taking a short walk after the feast to clear his mind. By choosing joy over pressure, he found it easier to stay present amid the holiday rush.

Michael also learned to set boundaries without guilt. He chose to say no to gatherings that felt emotionally draining, understanding that rest was not a weakness but a necessity. 

Mental health experts emphasize that setting limits is not selfish; it is an essential form of self-care, especially during emotionally demanding seasons like Christmas.

Small self-care rituals helped him cope with the heaviness he felt. Mindfulness, deep breathing, and brief pauses between activities allowed him to steady his thoughts. By limiting his time on social media and avoiding constant comparisons, he stayed present with his loved ones and appreciated what he had instead of focusing on what was missing.

“Do your best. Expectations should be fair and honest. Don’t do things that you are not capable of doing. We can keep things very simple,” Dr. Manalo-Arcena said.

On Christmas Eve, Michael joined a small church outreach activity, which reminded him of the deeper meaning of the season. Filipino traditions such as Simbang Gabi and simple acts of generosity grounded him in faith, community, and gratitude — values that extended beyond material gifts and expectations.

By Christmas morning, Michael felt calmer. His plans were far from perfect, but they were genuine. There was laughter over simple food, honest conversations, and a quiet sense of peace he had not felt in a long time. He realized that surviving Christmas with positivity was not about doing more or pretending everything was fine, but about letting go, honoring boundaries, and choosing joy in small, intentional ways.

Writer’s note: This story was based on a conversation the writer and the subject held last year. Michael agreed to have his story shared but requested anonymity. RGL