Alvarez: Pain and healing

JUST last Saturday, I found so much time to contemplate. And I see the reasons for my pain and others’ pain lately. At times, we are focused on our miseries, not realizing that others, too, have encounters with pain. As we live daily, we follow our set plans, which we believe are helpful but may cause pain to others.

We try to connect with friends and others to build new relationships and stronger bonds but fail to see in a way that old friendships have ended. And I feel sad about this.

Let me share with you my and others’ pain I hope will heal in time.

My heart bleeds when I do not see or fail to communicate with my Mommy, Tatay, Brother Dave, Dennis, and Sister Ann. In my life, the thirteen medicines and one injectable I believed have helped me stay alive and do the tasks as an employee. But what gives me more energy that becomes my reason to stay alive are those I mentioned above, and my husband Rey and children Bea and Macoy. So, if I do not keep in touch with all of them, it is sadly like reducing my life span. I am sorry, but I will never share your actions to lose value for my family. Why would some people like to change the concept that family grows stronger by bond?

Some people have calm voices and angelic faces. They may appear very supportive of you, but the truth always prevails. Even so painful when there were false promises, when it was too quick to give in, but they were also very quick to abandon the promise, with reasons that are not real. I thank God for its easy for me to identify fake people. Also, we can only expect some people to like us, but some are pleasers. Remember that there is always a big difference between loving and pleasing, but I choose to love. Because we can lose ourselves when we opt to please others, would you continue to please others? Anyway, from now on, please do not wonder why I cannot believe you.

And then there are also those in pain due to wrong accusations. All of us can experience this – but we must remain calm because our integrity and track records will save us. So, we must not focus on the accuser’s fault, and personal attacks will do no good as they can dilute personal credibility. So why opt to choose to burn others to see the light?

Some run slowly until time overtakes them. Many believe we do not need to be in a hurry regarding deliverables, as more time is required to make a report or output satisfactory. But please remember that allowing others to wait for your output to complete their task is like waiting in vain and with pain. We all have infinite time, but this is not funny when one has those chronic nerve-wracking delays that affect others to produce their output. We must be mindful of others by respecting each other’s deadlines. We must understand that even fifteen minutes late can affect so many people. So, why not act right at the right time?

It also saddens me to hear that some friends pretend to be your real friends. I am not holy but I always try to be true to my friends. I may not be that 100% perfect friend, but I will not tell others that I have not liked a friend from the very start until now. I will try not to talk about how a friend mistreats others; I will not exaggerate and join others in discussing my friends’ weaknesses. It is so scary to be a part of their circle because maybe the next day, I will also hear that I am not a part of their life. It will be so unfair to the other who is unaware of you not liking him. Have you not thought this is a betrayal?

We must reject the idea that we can separate our hearts from our families. I do not find distancing myself from my family right for somebody to feel comfortable. My mother is my blood, the beating of my heart. My husband and children are my hope. And those that make promises they do not keep will end up powerless. When one betrays an explicit or implicit promise, sad, but it will harm the person more than thrice. And for accusations, whether partly right or wrong, it is positive to deal with it openly, anger may be evident as an instinct initially, but we need to keep cool.

Regarding keeping deliverables on time, respect is a two-way street; when one is late, it dramatically impacts others’ time and schedule. It means leading others to suffer in their daily routine.

Also, let us not hesitate to correct our friends when they are wrong and not compromise our principles and commitments in the name of friendship. Beware of fake friends too. Lastly, we must not be blinded by our pains; remember that pain nourishes courage. So, let us be aware of our pains and the pains of others for us to be an instrument of healing to all in time. Importantly, we need to forgive and always choose to forgive; it will not give us instant healing, but it will set our hearts free.