Dear Dr. Fritz,
Please call me Larry. I recently caught my wife talking with several men over her social media account, and I found that she has three relationships from the chats I found. I confronted her about it, but, the problem is, she is putting up fake domestic abuse, even when I didn’t hit her.
We have two children, as we have been married for 10 years now.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust her anymore. I wanted to separate from her. What should I do? Should I need more proof?
Please give me insights. Thanks.
Larry of Mabini
Dear Larry of Mabini,
I understand your situation. I’m really sorry you’re in this difficult and painful situation.
From what you’ve described, there are serious emotional, legal, and family issues at play. Let’s break this down into what you can do next in a way that protects your rights, your children, and your well-being.
Here are some steps you need to take:
1. Protect yourself legally
RA 9262 (Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act) is a serious law, and
false accusations under it can still lead to investigation, arrest, or even criminal charges if not
properly handled.
I advise that you consult a family lawyer right away. This is non-negotiable. You need someone experienced in family and criminal law to guide you and help you avoid legal pitfalls.
Try to avoid any form of verbal or physical confrontation with her. Even shouting can be
twisted and used against you under RA 9262.
Keep communication in writing (texts, messages) whenever possible. Avoid phone calls
or face-to-face arguments without a witness or documentation.
Record any threats she makes. You are allowed to record conversations if you are part of it.
Inform a trusted family member or friend about your situation as a precaution.
2. Preserve evidence
If she has been unfaithful and is making false allegations against you, be sure to secure the social media chats you found. Get screenshots, screen recordings, or whatever that can help you stand stronger. If possible, back up any threats or false abuse claims she has made against you in text messages or voice recordings, because you might be able to use them one day should she sue you unnecessarily or for false cause. Be sure not to fabricate or alter anything. Just stay on solid legal ground.
3. You may consider Separation or Annulment or Custody
I know 10 years of being married and having two children is not a joke.
Here’s the thing. If you can forgive your wife for her cheating, then do so. But this would bar you from pursuing legal charges against her for adultery.
But, if you feel that the trust is broken and you are manipulated psychologically and emotionally, then it might be high time for you to consider legal separation or annulment and
custody of your children, if you can prove that she is emotionally unstable and is creating a
dangerous environment for them to grow. If you want to pursue this, be sure that you can prove to the court that you are only looking for the best interest of your children.
4. Don’t lose sight of your children’s well-being
The problem with marital conflicts is that the children have always become the victims.
But, in these arduous times, you have to make sure to keep them away if you have fights with your wife. Don’t speak negatively about their mom. However, children nowadays are sensitive.
And should they ask you about the real score, you may tell them that this may not be the right time, as they may not be able to understand.
However, if the separation becomes official, you have to talk to them about it and work out a custody/visitation arrangement that will minimize trauma.
5. Emotional & mental support
I know what you are going through is emotionally draining. But, it’s okay not be okay.
So, if you feel you are betrayed, or angry, or helpless, or depressed, try to reach out to a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. Or you can ask for the support of your trusted friends or
family. You need that to protect your mental health and for your children.
As for now, you have to secure and preserve all the evidence and talk to your lawyer.
Remember to avoid any confrontation with your wife, as any of these could be misinterpreted and might work against you.
And if legal proceedings should continue and become prolonged, just continue to document your journey.
Just remember that there is always calmness after the storm. And always protect your peace.
Good luck!
Dr. Fritz
(Dr. Fritz Legarde Espedilla is an aesthetic dermatologist, surgeon, and clinical sexologist. She is also trained in hypnotherapy and Medical Acupuncture. She has been in the broadcast media for more than a decade and has written a book based on her 15-year stint with her radio program, “Healthy is Sexy Secrets ni Dr. Fritz.”. For your questions, you may send them to Dear Dr. Fritz, c/o Sunstar-Davao Publishing Inc., Door 11, Ebro-Pelayo Building 1, Juan Luna St., Barangay 29-C, Davao City, or you e-mail them to dokatlaw@gmail.com. If you don’t wish your letter to be published, we regret that we cannot answer them. Thank you for your understanding.)