TWO weeks ago, I received a text message from a person I did not expect. It was at two in the morning, and I was hesitant to answer. Since it was already at dawn, I am unsure if it was really a message for me. But for the benefit of the doubt, I answered his "hello" with a "hi" text message. And then he replied with, "I need a friend."
With his response, I felt his need for a talk. I was so sleepy at that time, but I chose to be awake and be ready for a long conversation. So, he called me, and I answered when I asked how he was? I did not hear anything except his loud cry. Then, I remained silent. And when he started sharing, I did not butt in or ask questions. I utilized more "listening" skills until he told me the full story that caused him the intense pain.
I have learned that her girlfriend Annie seems to be getting colder. He feels that Annie is trying to provoke him into a fight. He thinks that the love of his life has fallen out of love because he can no longer feel the caress and that she begins to keep secrets now. And worst is that he caught his girlfriend staying awake until dawn chatting with someone else.
For the past three weeks, he tried to understand all of this because he would want to keep the relationship. And he confessed that losing Annie is like losing his life. In fact, it has already been weeks since he has disturbed sleep and has lost appetite. He knows that he is breaking down.
When we were talking, there were many questions in his mind. And it was clear to me that he would want me to give him the direction on what to do. But he likes to think that his girlfriend is just tired. He would not entertain the possibility that his girlfriend may have fallen out of love. But again, I remained silent, utilizing general leads, and made sure I was attentive, acknowledging his feelings.
So, the one-hour-and-45-minute conversation was filled with stories about his great love and that he does not deserve to be treated like garbage. But as I expected, in the end, he honestly told me, "I cannot just be strong to let go."
In this conversation, I see that when a person is in pain, one will ask questions and answer their own queries. And at times, when there is a need to interrupt, they may not hear your words because they are preoccupied with their pain. And this had happened many times when I listened to disturbed or in pain clients in the earlier stage. So, I always choose to listen by heart because interruptions might not help.
So, after our talk, I am glad to hear he was relieved. Again, what I did was more active listening and withholding judgment. When God asks you to help and stay with someone at their lowest point, I feel that it is not by being ready what to say next on guard during the conversation to appear interested and attentive. And it is not by making sure you contribute to the talk by expressing your conscious thoughts. But indeed, it is at times when you use silence to communicate and therapeutically feed the heart and connect one's' intention to care.