Incompatibility in bed (Part 3)

(Foreword: This is the continuation of our response to Amando G. of his concern on his incompatibility in bed with his wife.)

Dear Amando G.,

And now to the final stretch…

6.) Focus on what works for you. Now, look at your marriage from the very beginning. Ask yourself, “What is the difference between those times when my wife is still very interested in sex?” See if any of the conditions before still work. Then, repeat them.

7.) Caress your wife without thinking that your caresses will lead to sex. Most of the women complain that their husbands will not caress them unless they want to have sex. This really makes them lose their desire. So, just show your wife your affection and then stop right there

8.) Satisfy yourself. If you think you are desperate in your sex life, it is not reasonable to expect from your partner all your sexual needs. You must be responsible for satisfying your own needs from time to time.

9.) Accept the gift of love. Sometimes, as things get better between the two of you and your partner becomes more attentive to your needs, she may feel closer to you even though sex is not what she wants. You should accept it as a gift of love. Good relationships are built on caring for each other.

10.) Respect your wife’s preferences before having sex. Consider your wife’s likes and dislikes that need to be met in order for her to want to have sex with you.

11.) If anything else fails, be honest with her. Don’t blame her. Just calm down and tell her about the differences in your sexual desire – and that you are no longer happy – and that is why you have thought of something else – that you don’t want to do. Tell her it’s not a threat, but you’re just desperate and don’t know what to do. Encourage your spouse to seek help. Then, wait and see what happens.

Good luck!

Dr. Fritz

(Dr. Fritz Legarde Espedilla is an aesthetic dermatologist, surgeon, and clinical sexologist. She is also trained in hypnotherapy and Medical Acupuncture. She has been in the broadcast media for more than a decade and has written a book based on her 15-year stint with her radio program, “Healthy is Sexy Secrets ni Dr. Fritz.” For your questions, you may send them to Dear Dr. Fritz, c/o Sunstar-Davao Publishing Inc., Door 11, Ebro-Pelayo Building 1, Juan Luna St., Barangay 29-C, Davao City, or you e-mail them to dokatlaw@gmail.com. If you don’t wish your letter to be published, we regret that we cannot answer them. Thank you for your understanding.)