(Foreword: This is the continuation of our response to Mikaela of Apo View about her suspicions that her husband is cheating.)
Dear Mikaela of Apo View,
Alright, moving on…here are more tips for you.
6. Your friends are uncomfortable with you around
Usually, friends know much earlier before you do. So, if you see them changing their attitudes when you are around, then, it may be because they know what is going on.
7. Sudden changes in spending habits
This is a sign that something is going on – especially if the cash withdrawals cannot be explained.
8. Falsely accuses you of cheating
Usually, projection happens when your partner has done something wrong against you, but, because he doesn’t want you to suspect, he will accuse you of doing what he is actually doing.
9. Criticizes you BIG time
Sometimes a cheater will practice dissonance reduction by telling himself that his partner is not worthy of his honesty or faithfulness. So, if your partner always finds fault in everything you do, then, you better watch out.
10. Uncomfortable feeling that you can’t justify
Call it a woman’s instinct. There are some studies that show that some people can detect reliably some lies, without them realizing it – even if they can’t discuss or consciously identify those lies.
Now, if you think your partner is cheating, then deal with it by not rushing into your decision. It’s okay to feel angry and sad. But, don’t you ever hurt yourself or destroy other’s property, even if you wanted to.
Always reach out for support by sharing your feelings with your trusted friends and family. See a therapist if you can. Be accountable for your actions. And lastly, communicate respectfully with your partner – even if you decide not to stay together, especially if you have children. And should you decide to stay together, try to reestablish trust which may take a lot of patience, since this would take some time. Good luck!
(Dr. Fritz Legarde Espedilla is an aesthetic dermatologist and surgeon and a clinical sexologist. She is also trained in hypnotherapy and Medical Acupuncture. She has been in the broadcast media for more than a decade and has written a book based on her 15-year stint with her radio program, “Healthy is Sexy Secrets ni Dr. Fritz.”. For your questions, you may send them to Dear Dr. Fritz, c/o Sunstar-Davao Publishing Inc., Door 11, Ebro-Pelayo Building 1, Juan Luna St., Barangay 29-C, Davao City, or you e-mail them to email@example.com. If you don’t wish your letter to be published, we regret that we cannot answer them. Thank you for your understanding.)