MANY say chivalry is dead. Proof: Senator Sotto uncouthly refers to a single mom, Sec. Taguiwalo, as merely "na-ano lang" (knocked up out of wedlock) in a very public hearing, supposedly as a joke. What a distasteful one that denigrates and insults! It is clearly high time to resuscitate chivalry.
I am a mom of two boys, which is a job I take seriously because they will be men of their families in the future. I shudder to think that they'd end up as insensitive clueless douche-bags like this man-child in power (how did he win again?).
"Boys do not to cry" is a lesson that has been inculcated in men since time immemorial. But, really, it makes more sense to teach them this—boys do not make others cry. In pain. Ever! A real man is sensitive and empathetic. A real man does not kick people down but lifts people up!
Respect Differences
Admittedly, at times, I feel like a fish out of water when I talk to my sons. I’ve noticed little boys are fascinated with their man goods. I’ve received an update like: "Mom, look at my penis, it is standing up again." Also, a joke like: “It’s the Statue of LiberTinTin!” I just usually smile, nod, and respond, "Cool!"
One time, my youngest asked after peeing in a bush, "Mom, how far does your pee go when you aim it?" We were in the outskirts of town, with no restroom in sight.
"Um, my pee just goes down. Remember, I have a vagina and I prefer to pee in the toilet," I replied. He looked at me with pity as if he was so sorry that I can't just point and shoot whenever nature calls.
I added, "If you wanna compare notes, it is best to ask your Dad. I have a different hardware." I then reminded him to respect that difference. I also reiterated why it is called a private part so please be careful with "it" in public, especially around girls.
Kick-out Malice
In our house, we teach about body parts with their proper names, and we talk about them matter-of-factly. One thing I learned from my parents is to discuss it scientifically and take out the malice. It is clinical, not sexual! Let the kids see these parts for what they really are: bodily functions.
My boys know what theirs perform. They also know that breasts are for feeding and vaginas are birth canals. I hope when they're bigger, it will reverberate in my boys heads (the big one up there and not the feisty one down there) that all women have boobs and vaginas; and they really ought to pick a woman with a fantastic brain. Especially since that said woman can be my potential daughter-in-law!
No means NO
When my kids don't get what they like, I am the resident bad cop who has to curb the whining. I don't always say yes, even if I can afford it because I believe children need to learn to wait and work for what they want; and they also need to learn how to handle frustration.
I’ve always emphasized life is not easy, and things will not always go their way. It is my job to teach my kids how to handle that kind of disappointment. Being kids, they attempt to negotiate; but, my answer is generally firm. When I say no, they know that I mean it. That's why, I truly hope and pray, when both my boys are bigger they will never ever force a woman when she has already said no.
Exercise Good Judgment
One time my son shared about a teacher in school: "Mom, Ms. ‘Blank’ is pregnant, and she doesn't have a husband. She will get married pa lang! I thought husbands and wives are supposed to make the babies?!"
I had to explain how people have the power of choice. Ideally, babies should be made within a loving relationship blessed by the sacrament of marriage. But it doesn't always happen that way. The key here is to never look down on people and be judgmental of their choices because we don't know the real reasons behind why they do things.
And of course: Make sure you boys don't get a girl pregnant, unless you are willing to marry her!
Model Good Behavior
I realized through the years that telling my kids to be good is okay, but showing them how to be one is better. Sound advice is sometimes not heard, but example is always followed. Action has the bigger impact. Kids learn by watching their parents.
How we treat waiters, drivers, cashiers; how we react when someone is mean to us; how we respond when someone helps us out...they take notice of all those details. If we want them to be kind and respectful human beings then we have to walk the talk.
Manners Maketh Man
The above proverb means that politeness and good manners are essential to humanity. These qualities distinguish humans from animals. Thus, I always emphasize to my kids that their behavior and mannerisms define them. Good manners can refer to several aspects: how we speak, the words we use, our gestures, and our actions. Saying "please" and "thank you", or opening doors, or closing the toilet seat, or giving flowers go a long way.
Being polite, behaved, and well-mannered should never be out of style because they speak volumes about our personality. How we are in our dealings with other people, especially those at the bottom, indicate how good a person we are. Good manners always demonstrate our sense of respect for others, thereby showing our true character.
However, at times, we may encounter rude people that test our limits. I teach my kids to kill those people with kindness. Being kind is more important than being right; however, if all else fails and others become physical, I tell my boys it is okay to defend themselves.
Let us all raise our sons to be gentlemen, and teach our daughters to accept nothing less. I definitely want my sons to be the type of man that I would want my only daughter to marry. So boys, please be a true gentleman and not a gentlemaniac!