IT’S so easy to say that we need to let go of the pain so we could make peace with our past and then move forward with life. But when you lose someone you love, the pain never really goes away. It's just scabs. And the scar stays in your heart forever.
I could barely put into words the heartache I felt when I remember my grandmother. How I was late on her funeral for four days because my mother kept it a secret and how I lost the chance to be with her during her remaining days, hours. Acknowledging that she’s now gone is still a challenge to me. Last night I was hugging her tight and then I woke up only to realize I’ve been dreaming of her again - like I did for the last five years.
I Googled the stages of grief; the framework is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. So there’s five, maybe it’s easy, I thought. But it’s not the regular “complete this step to progress to the next” kind of task. Sometimes it feels like you’re in the fourth step and ready to jump onto the final stage but you realize you can’t yet so you tumble to square one again.
Imagine my surprise when I heard for the first time, Dennis Larida talk during the commemorative mass for the Roxas Night Market bombing victims on September 3, 2016. He maybe a lot of things but after the blast, he was known as the man who lost his whole family during the violent attack, his long-time partner and wife Melanie and their 12-year old son Josh.
At the mass, Dennis stood at the same ground which claimed his family- his home and yet he was there in front of the sympathizing crowd of Dabawenyos, and other well-wishers speaking sincerely of his emotions, “Wala koy kalagot sa kung kinsa man, ang akoa lang unta duna moy makat-unan ani nga panghitabo. Sa mga terorista, nag-ampo ko nga bag-o man mo muhawa ning kalibutana, makit-an ninyo ang Ginoo ug maghinulsol sa inyong nabuhat. (I am not angry at anyone. I just hope that everyone learns from this situation. To the terrorists, I hope that you find God before you leave this world so you can reflect on what you did),” he said in fragments of what I remembered.
His voice did not radiate any anger at all. He was genuine when he said he wanted the attackers to find peace at least before they die. That made him an inspiration to the other victims’ family as well as the survivors; but it also left others confused on how he could utter such words of acceptance easily.
As the city remembers those who were gone a year after today, we had the chance to talk with Dennis himself to revisit the past and ask how he is doing now.
During the interview, I learned that aside from driving trucks on weekdays as his livelihood, he also doubles as a Church Elder on Sundays.
“Both sides of our family are very religious. Ang akoang in-laws mao among mga pastors sa Alliance ug sa akoang side, active sad kaayo mi (My in-laws are our pastors in our church while my family is also very active in all our church-related events),” he shared.
When asked whether he entered a phase where he felt aloof or doubted God’s presence in his life, he said, “I will never gamble my relationship with the Lord. Maybe he let that thing happen because it was his will and I would need to learn something,” he answered.
Though he did ask God once why his family was chosen, “Daghan unta kaayo mig ma-halad, akoang misis, naga-praise ug worship, si Josh, naga tugtog ug drums para sa simbahan. Maabot gani mi ug Paquibato aron mangalagad unya duna pay mga rebelde nga maminaw sa amoa (We could have touched more lives together. My wife and Josh actively participated in church. We even went as far as rebel-flocked areas in Paquibato and then have them as guests).”
Then a friend in his church said to him, “Nonoy, matubag lang na imohang pangutana pag magkita namo sa Ginoo (Nonoy, you will only have your answer once you ask God yourself),” he shared. So, back on his knees, he went on to worshipping God for making magic in his life.
He even said that he and the other victims and survivors have a group chat on Facebook where they would greet each other from time to time, ask how they’ve been, and be sources of happiness and relief.
Anger has no place in his heart as he knew being mad is pointless. It cannot bring back what was lost.
“It was my strong relationship with God that saved me from that tragedy. Of course, along with the company of my family, friends, and church mates,” he said.
“Ang akoang armour lang gyud, mao ang akoang sinaligan nga dili ako ang naggunit sa Ginoo, ang Ginoo ang naggunit sa akoa (My armour has always been my belief that I don’t hold God, it is Him who controls me).”